


Swimming Lessons

by mrex



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Excessive use of kriff, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Post Episode IX, Post Star Wars IX, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Stranded, Stranded Together, friends to... something?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-06-26 10:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15661281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrex/pseuds/mrex
Summary: Rey still needs a teacher, but Ben has a few lessons to learn too. Can some alone time on a beautiful, uninhabited planet help them move forward?A multi-chapter fic set after the fall of the First Order and the redemption of Ben Solo.





	1. Sand

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  Lovely cover art by [eek_a_tron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eek_a_tron/pseuds/eek_a_tron). Thank you!

Rey woke to the unexpected - and quite unwelcome - texture of sand grinding its way into her clothing.

The last time Rey found herself waking up in sand was the morning of the day, at age six, that she stole a tattered blanket from Unkar Plutt. This sand was different than on Jakku, not hot and rough, but soft and warm. And yet, the scratchy texture under her skin worked its way into her memory as relentlessly as it worked its way into her clothing.

Despite the irritating texture, Rey was not yet ready to open her eyes. She lay quietly on the dune, recounting the last few moments that she remembered.

_Sparks. Alarms. Smoke._

_And Ben's face. She can't hear him. She can only see his wide, concerned eyes and his mouth forming words: "Hold on, sweetheart!"_

_Rey barely registers the affectionate term when - an explosion._

_Then nothing._

And now she was here.

But where was Ben?

Rey didn't relish the idea of trudging under the hot sun, through rock and dunes, tiny grains of sand grinding their way into her very pores. She had hoped her desert days were behind her. To find Ben, however, there was only one path. She would have to face the sand.

Rey finally opened her eyes to an color she didn't expect - green. A bundle of huge leaves, attached to a spindly trunk, rose high above her, shielding her face from the hot sun. The air was pleasantly warm with a light breeze occasionally ruffling her hair and clothes.

Rey sat up, brushing the sand from her clothes. Some distance away, a heavy pillar of smoke likely marked their crash site. In between here and there, however, more green, and still more.

A rough path cut through the mass of plants in the grasslands. A set of large footprints made deep, soft impressions in the sand, and paused where she lay. Whoever had carried her there had settled heavily nearby for a while, but was gone now. Toward - Rey turned turned her head to follow the path - water.

Turning fully now, she faced a huge body of water. Like the rough, icy ocean on Ahch-to, she could not see any border other than where she stood. But the water here was calm. Small ripples played along its surface, running up a stretch of hard-looking wet sand, which quickly drained in the warm sun.

Suddenly, several meters out, Rey heard, then saw, a splash. A pale face with wet hair plastered on top and in its eyes, shot water out of its mouth. Bare shoulders and arms moved through the water in a way that reminded Rey of birds aloft. Then the face noticed her and smiled. Ben was safe, and... having fun?

The former Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren and Supreme Leader of the First Order, playing? In water?

Apparently so, and clearly not worrying about the multiple questions gathering urgency at the back of Rey's mind:

_What planet was this?_  
_Were they tracked?_  
_Who sabotaged their ship?_  
_Could it be repaired?_  
_How?_  
_What survival gear did they need?_  
_What survival gear did they have?_  
_Did anyone in the Resistance know where they were?_  
_How long would they be here?_  
_How would they survive in the meantime?_

And so on.

All of those questions were pushed aside, however, by the biggest question of all: By the six sandy hells of Jakku, why would anyone go into the water for _fun?_

Rey's only experience with bodies of water was being sucked into the cave on Ahch-To: half-drowned and mostly frozen, with a nasty message that she was alone in the galaxy besides.

Ben's voice calling to her broke her melancholy thoughts: "Come in; it's warm!"

Rey thought again of the cave on Ahch-To. How the ground dropped away beneath her. How she struggled against the water threatening to take her down, down to the sea floor and hold her there.

"Come in; it won't hurt you, I promise," Ben called again.

Rey walked to the water's edge, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and jumped.

And soaked her boots up to the ankle.

Ben laughed gently. "No, take your boots off first. Just walk in. It slopes." He gestured to illustrate the gradual decline.

Rey retreated up the beach a few steps, then took off her boots and set them together firmly in the sand, as if to remind them to stay put. She tiptoed toward the waterline as if it might bite her.

Ben looked on, amused. "Just walk in."

Rey looked again at his bare arms and shoulders. "What about my clothes?" she called back.

"You can wear them in if you like. But anything you leave on will be soaked. And it will take longer to dry. So you might want to uh, take them off."

Rey was aghast. "Like for the 'fresher?"

"Yes. No. **NO** ," he stammered. "Maybe leave your uh, underthings on. They'll dry quickly in the sun."

"Oh." Rey pondered this and made her decision. "Don't look," she warned.

Ben gave a quick half-smile at her modesty. What was special about undressing if the end result was the same whether he saw it happen or not? He complied with her request, however, turning toward the far horizon.

Rey quickly removed her outer wraps and inner tunic, her trousers and gauntlets. Although perfectly adequate when unseen, her undershorts and breastband seemed too thin, too miserly and poor when they were her only protection. She had never been so exposed around another living being since long before she could remember. The only cover was to go into the water. She approached the sea again, and crept in up to her knees.

 _Cold._ The sun was warm, and the water itself wasn't... unpleasant exactly, but where the water met the air, the conjunction stung like a thin wire cutting into her flesh. Rey crossed her arms over her chest and shivered.

"Ben?" she called. "How...?"

Ben turned back now and noticed her trepidation. "Hold on, I'm coming."

Ben moved his arms in a stronger, more definite pattern now, and kicked his legs behind him. Rey had instinctively moved her arms and legs in the water at the cave, but Ben's movements were deliberate, with power and control.

 _Another thing I have to learn,_ she thought.

Ben stood before her now, waist-deep in the water. Rey was relieved to see a black waistband just at the water line - he also wore undershorts or at least some kind of covering. His bare chest and navel were unavoidable, however, and she closed her eyes briefly to collect herself.

"Rey." She opened her eyes again at his voice. Ben was holding both hands out to her, encouraging her to venture further into the water. The sand underfoot had turned soft and insubstantial. Rey could feel small rocks and plants, barely anchored in the sea bed. She could sense the Force emanating from tiny, harmless creatures investigating her ankles, then her knees. She could feel Ben's attention, too, focused solely on her, unworried about what else might be in the water. He was alert in case she stumbled, but she also felt his attention on her disheveled hair, the scratches on her face, the cuts and burns on her body from the explosion and the crash.

As the water reached a deeper cut high on her outer thigh, Rey winced and stepped back quickly. "Ah, it burns," she said.

"Yeah. There's salt in the water. It hurt me too at first. It'll clean your wounds though. And it's good for healing. Gather the pain in your mind and hold it for a second, Rey. Then push it away."

Rey did, and the sting from the salty water lessened a bit. "Better," she said. She began to approach Ben again but remembered her hair. Why should her hair matter when they were possibly stranded, maybe without provisions? Did they even know where they were? Why should Ben noticing her messy hair bother her? _It shouldn't,_ Rey thought firmly, _but it does._ "Wait," she said. Rey pulled out her single hair tie and dipped her hands into the water. She cupped some up, soothing the irritated strands, and began to tuck her hair back and out of the way again.

"Leave it down," Ben asked in a low voice. "Please."

Startled, Rey looked up at him. His eyes blazed for a moment, then calmed as he noticed her surprise.

"I mean, if you want. It, uh, it looks nice down." Ben swallowed hard, then recovered. "Now. Take my hands. It gets harder to walk as the water gets deeper."

 _My hair looks nice down? What...?_ Suddenly, Rey's feet were _gone_ from under her. She whooped in surprise, only to find her mouth and eyes full of salty water. Sputtering, she lost Ben's hands and struck out blindly in panic.

The cold water turned icy as she sank down. Rey again felt the desperate darkness she experienced on Ahch-to.

Then strong hands closed around her upper arms and pulled her up, back into the warm sunlight. Ben's voice broke through the panic. "Shh, shh. It's all right. I've got you. You're safe. Rey. Rey, look at me, sweetheart."

 _Sweetheart again?_ Rey thought dreamily. Then her mind cleared as her hands found Ben's arms and pulled herself closer to him.

Ben gathered her close. One arm moved around her shoulders, and his other hand gently cleared the water - and wet hair - from her eyes. "Maybe you should have put it back up."

"I lost my hairband," was all Rey could manage. She registered the gentle smirk on Ben's face and returned the smile. But then Ben's expression changed, again, to the look in his eyes when he asked - no, told - her to keep her hair down. Rey refused to be cowed, however. She would meet his gaze for as long as it lasted.

And yet, and yet, this look was not to be bested. Ben's intense gaze now was nothing like his look when they gently bantered, or even when they flat-out argued. The longer Rey's eyes locked onto Ben's, the more she realized, _There is more than one way to drown._

A drop of salty water dripped from Rey's hair into her eyes. She blinked, and the moment ended. Rey was suddenly all-too aware of Ben's arm tightly surrounding her bare shoulders, his other hand under the water at her waist. Her hands were still on his shoulders where she had desperately grasped to save herself from drowning. "All right," she coughed. "All right. I'm fine now. Let me go."

"Are you though?" Ben's voice had that low timbre again. "I think the water is too deep here for you to reach the bottom. That's why you slipped. You're safer near me."

Rey pondered this. "Or maybe we should go closer to shore."

"Maybe. And maybe you'll finally admit that you need a teacher."


	2. Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Snoke's voice had left Ben's head, other voices filled the silence left behind. Mostly memories of his father's voice, and fragments of the things Han had tried to tell Ben, that Ben hadn't wanted to hear. A story this time, from when his parents met: something about a "slight weapons malfunction" and then some kind of joke he hadn't really understood at the time and didn't remember now.
> 
> Rey placed her hand on Ben's. "Your father would have been proud of you."

_I am one with the water. I am one with the water._  
  
Rey tried to relax, focusing on feeling the surface of the water supporting her back and her legs, how the edges of it tickled her elbows and her ears. _I am one with the water, I am one with the water,_ she thought to herself over and over.  
  
"An unexpected benefit to Force sensitivity," droned Ben somewhere nearby, "is it helps one to float."  
  
Rey mostly tuned him out, but found that his voice helped block other distractions: rippling waves, keening shorebirds, and her own fears and insecurities. _I am one with the water. I am one with the water._  
  
"Now suppose," Ben continued in a deep, soothing monotone, "that as you focus on becoming one with the surface of the water, your companion, who is actually holding you up from underneath - in a very proper and gentlemanly way, mind you - that this companion gradually lowers his palms, then his fingers, one by one, until you are floating completely on your own and totally unencumbered by anything as _commonplace_ as physical support."  
  
_I am one with the water and the water is with me. Wait. That's not how it goes._  
  
At this, Ben removed his last fingertip from Rey's back.  
  
She sank immediately.  
  
She was already yelling as he pulled her out from under the water again, this third attempt at floating no more successful than the previous two.  
  
***  
  
On Jakku, sand-rats and sand-fleas and sand-everything-else had a way of preventing much-needed rest, and spread disease besides.  
  
This sand seemed free of bitey things, but Rey was relieved that Ben had brought a blanket to lie on. The dark fabric had absorbed warmth and sunlight all afternoon and now radiated it back to her chilled skin. Rey felt it might be the most comfortable she had ever been. The warm sun seemed brighter, but somehow friendlier than any sun-filled day on Jakku. Ben was right; her underclothes dried quickly in the warm light.  
  
They dressed quickly: Rey in her comfortable, grey tunic and trousers, Ben looking remarkably like his father in navy trousers and white shirt.  
  
Then the resemblance failed as he shook the sand off the dark blanket and pulled it on - his voluminous black cape, the last remnants of his Kylo Ren persona.  
  
Rey's smiled faded with disappointment. "Oh, the blanket."  
  
But Ben's smile grew. "I know you hate this, and I'm sorry. But it's warm." He struck a facetious dramatic pose. "And some might say, stylish."  
  
"I don't miss who you were. Still," she relented, "I suppose your Uncle Lando would approve."  
  
"Oh, he does."  
  
Rey smiled finally. "I bet he does."  
  
Ben reached a hand out to her. "Let me show you something." They walked toward the grassland, past the spot where Rey had regained consciousness.  
  
As they walked, Rey stole occasional glances at Ben, at his tall figure in the dramatic cape. _It does look good on him,_ she thought with a sigh.  
  
_I know,_ came back to her over the bond.  
  
She laughed. _Out!_ she ordered.  
  
Tucked into the tall foliage near the edge of the field sat a crate marked "EMERGENCY-1."  
  
They quickly set up the small survival tent they found inside, along with a tiny lantern, a foil emergency blanket, firestarters, a medpack and other small survival supplies, and...  
  
"Portions?" yelled Rey, incredulously. Enjoying fresh, local food for the past several months at the base and during their travels, she had not missed portions at all. Sure, they had kept her alive for 14 years, but portions were part of the past she was more than willing to let die.  
  
She frowned at Ben. "Didn't you get anything _else_ from the ship?"  
  
His frown matched hers, then deepened. "Well, let's review, Rey. After successfully crash-landing our exploding ship which, I might point out, saved our lives, I grabbed exactly two things: this case, and _you_. I suppose you don't remember, because YOU were unconscious!"  
  
Rey cringed. She trusted she was in no danger, but Ben's still-quick temper was never a comfortable experience. She grabbed two of the portion packs. "Well, fine." She shot him a sour look. "I'll cook tonight."  
  
***  
  
They sat staring silently into the fire, satisfied with their small meal and each other's company. Relaxed and sated, neither of them felt any need to speak aloud.  
  
_Why are we here?_ asked Rey.  
  
_A small explosion in the instrument panel, followed by a very large explosion in the engine compartment._  
  
Since Snoke's voice had left Ben's head, other voices filled the silence left behind. Mostly memories of his father's voice, and fragments of the things Han had tried to tell Ben, that Ben hadn't wanted to hear. A story this time, from when his parents met: something about a "slight weapons malfunction" and then some kind of joke he hadn't really understood at the time and didn't remember now.  
  
Rey placed her hand on Ben's. _Your father would have been proud of you._  
  
_Maybe._  
  
"But, really, Ben. Why do you think we were really sent on this mission?" Rey asked aloud.  
  
"You couldn't sense it? Dameron wanted me out of the way. He doesn't trust me, and he never will. My mother's gone; he trusted her but she can't advocate for me. They'll never trust me completely, Rey."  
  
"I did sense it. I hoped I was mistaken." Poe had told her it was a simple recruitment tour. She was chosen because she was the most well-known face of the Resistance - The Last Jedi! Who could resist being recruited to the Resistance by such an important figure? But Rey had sensed that Poe was not telling the entire truth, that Ben's presence at base was making people uneasy. And Rey, by close association with him, was starting to make people uneasy too.  
  
"I don't know if they'll ever trust me, either," she said sadly.  
  
_I trust you._  
  
_I trust you, too._  
  
"Then I need to show you something." Ben sighed, stretched, and headed to the tent, returning with something behind his back. "Rey, in order to keep your trust, I must confess. I lied to you."  
  
Rey looked up at him in disbelief as he revealed his prize, a bottle of Corellian ale.  
  
"I grabbed three things from the ship. I'm sorry."  
  
She flashed him a cheeky grin. "Well, pop the cap off that bottle, Ben Solo, and I'll tell you how you can make it up to me."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss Han. :(
> 
> Inspiration for both the floating scene in this chapter and the description of Rey's underclothes in the previous chapter came from lovely fanart by someone who has since disappeared from the internet. Her Twitter and DeviantArt accounts are inactive and empty, and her Tumblr URL has been taken over by a pornbot and old direct links to her art redirect to a sketchy-looking site. Before closing down her accounts, she deleted the vast majority of her art from the internet, which was quite a feat because it was very popular.
> 
> It appears that the artist wishes to be left alone, so I am not going to name her or post the art here, but I wanted to give her as much credit as possible for that scene, and to thank her for bringing me joy for several years with her amazing fan art.
> 
> If this sounds like you, and you do want credit, send me a message and I'll happily update this note.


	3. The Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben ineffectively checked his chrono. Who knew how long nights were on this gods-forsaken planet anyway? Still, they had agreed on four-hour shifts, and it had been about that long since Rey settled in for sleep. Relieved that he hadn't actually nodded off, Ben went to wake her.

Ben nodded once, then jolted upright. After years of barely sleeping at all, he absolutely refused to fall asleep while on watch.  
  
Not that there was much to watch. During his four-hour shift, Ben noticed exactly 5 things that seemed at all noteworthy:  


  1. A distant thunderstorm far offshore;
  2. A brief but intense late-night squabble amongst some of the little shorebirds nesting nearby;
  3. One (1) smallish, hairy quadruped that snuffled along the ground into their fire clearing, raised its snout to investigate what this new scent was (them), and moved on;
  4. His boots _really_ needed a polish; and,
  5. Rey snores. _Adorably._



  
He ineffectively checked his chrono. Who knew how long nights were on this gods-forsaken planet anyway? Still, they had agreed on four-hour shifts, and it had been about that long since Rey settled in for sleep. Relieved that he hadn't actually nodded off, Ben went to wake her.  
  
Inside the tiny emergency tent, the thin, metallic survival blanket caught and reflected light from a setting moon, illuminating the tent just enough for Ben to pick up clues to Rey's life on Jakku. Fists clenched near her face, she huddled on her side, back pressed against the salvaged supply case for safety and some semblance of comfort. _She looks ready for a fight; she doesn't like her back exposed,_ he realized. A tiny, thin vertical line formed between Rey's eyebrows as she mumbled in a language Ben couldn't understand.  
  
The pale light also showed that the sheet had shifted, leaving Rey's shoulders bare with just her thin wraps to protect her from the damp nighttime chill. As Ben watched her for a further moment, she shivered slightly and gasped in a deep breath, then released it in a long, soft sigh.  
  
It took everything Ben had not to tuck her back in and let her sleep. Or, worse, to tuck himself in next to her and curl up together like two little baby tookas.  
  
Gathering all the resolve he had left after a long day and night, Ben accepted that both of them asleep with no one on watch and just a thin tent as protection would endanger them both.  
  
Plus, Rey would probably kill him if he didn't let her do her share.  
  
But how to wake her? Ben reached out gently along the thread of their connection. Finding Rey's subconscious, he stopped short of influencing and just observed as Rey dreamed.  
  
_Climbing the insides of a decaying Star Destroyer, she is confident but also cautious, as always. She knows what she is after and exactly where to find it._  
  
_High inside, she reaches a maintenance port, the outer access opening barely large enough for her to reach into, but running deeply into the ship. Leaning precariously now on one foot, she reaches as far into the port as she can. Her gloved hand finds the object she seeks - a power modulator of some kind. She grasps it firmly and tears it away from its moorings._  
  
_In the dim light of the Destroyer, oxidization pitting mars the formerly smooth surface of the small, cylindrical object._  
  
_Instantly Rey is back on solid ground, as is the manner of dreams. Standing inside the Destroyer's internal hanger, she opens her hand to view the object again. The object now in her hand is a kyber crystal, glowing softly pink in the gloom of the Destroyer._  
  
_As she looks upon it, the light from the crystal grows until it illuminates the huge space around her, then increases still further until its brilliance threatens to blind them both._  
  
The dream over, Rey turned onto her back, then sat up halfway, propped on her elbows, semi-awake but bleary-eyed. Seeing Ben's outline crouched at the tent opening, she sat up all the way and reached her hands to him. Ben grasped her hands and pulled her to her knees to mirror himself. Rey wobbled for a second, then, stabilizing slightly, she leaned forward, placing her forehead on Ben's chest.  
  
"Cold," she mumbled.  
  
Ben gathered his resolve again. He resisted putting his arms around her. He did not draw her closer, did not warm her shivering body with his own. Instead, he pulled off his cape and cowl, drawing it around Rey in a complicated draping that nearly doubled the warmth and also ensured that the overly-long measure of it stayed on her slender frame.  
  
Ben grasped Rey's shoulders and straightened her up. "Better?"  
  
"Mmm, better."  
  
"Awake yet?"  
  
"Hmm, yeah." Rey gave a colossal yawn and rubbed her eyes. "Yeah, I'm ok." Her eyes were mostly opened now, and focused on Ben's for just a moment. "I'm awake, I'm ok. Thanks for..." she gestured at the wrap. Then toward the supplies case. "Get some sleep."  
  
As Rey took her watch position near the tent entrance, Ben removed his boots and lowered himself to the ground, overfilling the space where she had slept. The tent floor there was still warm. The fresh ocean scent that infused Rey's hair earlier had transferred to the pack she used as a pillow. Ben pulled the crumpled survival blanket over himself and inhaled deeply.  
  
This was going to be the best four hours of sleep he ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line where Ben wants to "curl up like two little baby tookas" is kinda swiped (ok, heavily borrowed) from the "Arcadia" episode of "The X-Files," where Mulder & Scully are undercover as a married couple. A good ep; highly recommend.
> 
> Also, I have realized that these are incredibly short chapters! Sorry about that, but I hope that I can continue to update weekly. Keeping chapters short helps me do that.


	4. Salvage 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh no, Ben, your hut sprung a leak!" The other padawans screech at him. Ben wipes the water from his eyes just in time to see their buckets swinging as they scream and run away laughing.
> 
> Kept on high alert for days by Snoke's "training sessions," he startles awake after a brief rest to the harsh tones of the First Order reville.
> 
> And sometimes he still sees a green lightsaber coming for him in his nightmares.
> 
> "Ben." Rey's small hand rested lightly on his shoulder and shook him gently. "You should see this sunrise."

_"Oh no, Ben, your hut sprung a leak!" The other padawans screech at him. Ben wipes the water from his eyes just in time to see their buckets swinging as they scream and run away laughing._  
  
_Kept on high alert for days by Snoke's "training sessions," he startles awake after a brief rest to the harsh tones of the First Order reville._  
  
_And sometimes he still sees a green lightsaber coming for him in his nightmares._  
  
"Ben." Rey's small hand rested lightly on his shoulder and shook him gently. "You should see this sunrise."  
  
Ben could not recall the last time anyone had awoken him so kindly.  
  
"Beautiful," Ben said, looking at Rey, at the way her unbound hair curled and waved in the breeze, at the kindness in her eyes and in her touch.  
  
"The sunrise?"  
  
"Um," Ben's eyes shifted to look at the pink and purple sky behind Rey. "Sure. Yes. Nice. Thanks for, uh, pointing that out."  
  
"What else do you see?"  
  
Ben looked back at her, stunned. _You. Just you._  
  
Rey stared back at him with no words of reply, no thought, just feeling.  
  
A light breeze streamed through her untamed hair, blowing the loose strands into her eyes. Rey blinked and the moment ended.  
  
"There's no smoke coming from the crash site. Let's go see what we can salvage."  
  
***  
  
As they hiked toward the ship, they came across a freshwater stream punctuated with deep, clean pools and little waterfalls.  
  
Rey's fascination with all things water-related was insatiable. "Where does it come from?"  
  
"Could be natural reservoirs, springs, maybe even snowpack," Ben replied, pointing to the distant mountains.  
  
"And where does it go?"  
  
"Water only runs downhill," Ben answered. _And payday comes when the job is done,_ his father's voice in his head finished the saying for him. He sighed. "It runs into the sea, I imagine."  
  
"And that pool? What do you think that's about?" Rey shuddered.  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"The dark one."  
  
"I don't know."  
  
***  
  
As they neared the downed craft, Rey kept stopping to pick up small mechanical bits and bobs scattered over the landscape. She tucked the small bolts and strands of wire and other scraps into her ever-present hip satchel.  
  
"Why are you doing that?" asked Ben.  
  
"Look around. Do you see any signs of civilization?"  
  
Indeed, they had seen no evidence of any civilized life, human or otherwise, ancient or modern.  
  
"We might need these for repairs, and I'd rather gather them now than have to try to find them later." Rey smiled at Ben, but blocked her thoughts from him. This widespread of a debris field did not bode well for an operable ship. Thank the stars, though, there were no obvious engine parts or hull panels. She would not give up yet.  
  
As they approached the crash site and the ship came into view, Ben stopped in his tracks. "Rey," he said in despair. "It's a total loss."  
  
"Nothing's a total loss, Ben. I built my speeder out of 'total losses.' Let's get a closer look before we jump to conclusions." Rey grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to the wreckage.  
  
But between the scraps spread far and wide, and getting a better look at the craft, Rey was almost ready to jump to conclusions herself. The ship was not completely burnt out, but it was close. The fire had burned hot and fast, leaving the ground and plants blackened for a wide area around the ship. Black scars covered the hull, darker near the engines. Inside, charring, melted buttons, and exploded indicator bulbs covered the control panel. Loose, broken wires and tubing hung underneath.  
  
"Well," Rey began, rubbing her hands together in what she hoped looked like an enthusiastic and encouraging manner, "the hull looks completely intact. Let's do a controlled check. You call off the systems, and I'll let you know what I find."  
  
"No."  
  
"No? What do you mean no?"  
  
Ben's regret was palpable. "I'm the pilot, Rey. I did the pre-flight check. So I'm responsible for the crash. I need to see what went wrong." _How I almost killed us both._  
  
Rey looked at him oddly. _You saved us both._ "If you hadn't brought us down so skillfully..."  
  
She gently shook her head at him, then reached out and took his large hand in her smaller ones. "This is going to be more involved than an pre-flight check," she began with a smile. "You might be the best pilot in the galaxy, Ben Solo, but you are a _poodoo_ mechanic. So you call off the systems, and leave the mechanics to me."  
  
***  
  
_Landing gear?_  
  
**You're kidding, right? Negative.**  
  
_Just getting the obvious out of the way. Ignition?_  
  
**Negative.**  
  
_Fuel lines?_  
  
**Uh, gone. Negative.**  
  
_Navigation?_  
  
**Negative.**  
  
_Comms? Can we tell anyone we're alive?_  
  
**Negative. Sorry.**  
  
_Me too. I know you worry about your...  friends. Weapons?_  
  
**Kriff. Negative.**  
  
_Cabin lights?_  
  
**Negative. And, just by the way, what was that friends supposed to mean?**  
  
_Not even one?_  
  
**Are you kidding me? Let me count again, Ben. Oh yeah, still zero cabin lights.**  
  
_You know, Chewie is an expert mechanic and not nearly as sarcastic as you are._  
  
**What?! Yes, I am well aware of that! He knows how to run a proper systems check too!**  
  
_I wish he was here!_  
  
**So do I!**  
  
_Well too bad, you're stuck with me!_  
  
**Fine!**  
  
_Fine!_  
  
[angry silence]  
  
_Uh, life support?_  
  
**Negative. Well, mostly negative. Water filtration is gone, but the oxygen scrubbers might be working a little.**  
  
_Good thing we found that stream then. So that's it. The ship is a total loss._  
  
**Hyperdrive.**  
  
_What?_  
  
**You didn't ask about hyperdrive.**  
  
_We don't have ignition or fuel. Were you planning to launch directly into hyperspace?_  
  
**I've seen it done!**  
  
_I'm sure you have!_  
  
[silence]  
  
**Ben?**  
  
_Yeah?_  
  
**The fuel lines were cut. So were the control wires for the escape pod. We were sabotaged.**  
  
[silence]  
  
_Kriff._  
  
**Yeah.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kriff, indeed.
> 
> I need to apologize to any flight mechanical engineers or astrophysists for my janky systems list. In my defense, there aren't many lists of systems for interstellar space travel craft available. Also in my defense, the original list contained the item: "Flight Make-Goer," so I'm pretty sure that what we're left with here is a small improvement.
> 
> Added Jan 3, 2019: Although it's not a direct quote, "flight make-goer" was very probably inspired by this [xkcd.com](https://xkcd.com/1133/) comic.


	5. Salvage 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A blanket, Mr. Solo, is one of the most mind-bogglingly useful things in the galaxy."

The ship's fireproof supply cases appeared intact, if not completely undamaged; a welcome discovery after the disastrous systems check. Along with the small cases of their personal effects, a quick inventory revealed more portions (prompting a scowl from Rey), protein sticks, another small med kit, and other basics, including 3 standard, baggy, drab-grey Resistance jumpsuit coveralls, _thoughtfully_ and _practically_ provided in sizes small, medium, and large.  
  
"Ben, come here."  
  
Ben turned from where he stood looking over the the burned out engines. Catching sight of what Rey held and the huge grin on her face, he shot her a warning scowl. "No."  
  
"It says Large?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, come on. Let me see."  
  
"No."  
  
"You are no fun."  
  
"This will not be fun, Rey."  
  
"It will be for me."  
  
_A valid point,_ Ben thought. _Maybe at least one of us can have fun._ Reluctantly, he plodded over to where Rey stood, holding the size "large" uniform.  
  
She held it up to his shoulders. Of course, it was nowhere near big enough for him. The trouser hem ended at least 4 inches above his ankles, and the sleeves missed his wrists by a similar amount. The shoulder seams didn't remotely approach his actual shoulders. "When you're done laughing at my expense, _Miss Jedi,_ maybe you can crack open that last crate?"  
  
"Oh, Ben, I'm sorry," Rey cried, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "Don't worry, I'll make it work for something."  
  
The last crate revealed a treasure Rey almost couldn't comprehend.  
  
"Blankets!" she whooped joyfully. "Real woven fabric blankets!"  
  
"Ok, tell me why blankets caused this reaction while actual, life-sustaining portions are met with a scowl." Ben stood with arms crossed, glaring at the exuberant Rey dancing and singing around the burnt-ground clearing, waving one of her prizes behind her.  
  
_"No bata tu tu muni muni,_  
_No bata tu tu muni muni"_  
  
"Rey!"  
  
Finally, she stopped and stood before him, wrapped in one of the prized items in a crude imitation of his huge cape. She stood straight at her full height and adopted a serious expression. "A blanket, _Mr. Solo,_ is one of the most mind-bogglingly useful things in the galaxy. You can wrap it around you for warmth. It makes an excellent barrier between skin and sand. The first thing I stole from Unkar Plutt was a blanket. Did you know that, Ben? The very first thing. Not tools or food or water. A blanket."  
  
_Did you call me "Mr. Solo?"_ Ben thought at her.  
  
Rey ignored him and flung her makeshift cape wide. "We can make clothes out of these! Or hammocks! We'll be warm and comfortable! We can reinforce the tent!"  
  
"We could move into the ship."  
  
Rey's giddy train of thought came a screeching halt. "What?"  
  
"The ship, Rey. Why not move our camp here?" He counted off the reasons on his fingers. "The hull is solid durasteel, so waterproof, weatherproof. We'll still only be a short hike from the beach. We'll be safer at night from any predators. We wouldn't have to take separate watches..." _We could sleep... at the same time,_ his thoughts finished lamely.  
  
"Yeah, that's fine. Whatever. Hey, Ben, guess what? Blankets! _No bata tu tu muni muni..."_  
  
_An entire case of blankets seems like a lot,_ Ben mused. _Maybe they're cushioning something else._ Indeed, tucked deep inside the crate, Ben found two blasters with holsters. He held them up to show Rey. Coming down from her blanket-induced elation, Rey felt his relief as he tossed one set to her. "Strap this on. I'll be glad to have these." _And glad you're a good shot,_ he thought.  
  
_Thanks, but_ "You think we'll need blasters? The sabers won't be enough?"  
  
Once again, Han Solo's words arose unbidden in Ben's mind. _Not much in this galaxy that matches a good blaster at your side, kid._  
  
Ben strapped on his holster and shoved the blaster home. "Just keep it handy."  
  
***  
  
The tent and other emergency supplies at the beach camp were quickly returned to their crate and then to the ship. The supplies from the other crates, their personal effects, and extra clothing were sorted and stored away. Rey neatly stacked the blankets into two separate sleeping pads, while thinking of a design for hammocks to rig up later. Meanwhile, Ben dug a small fire pit outside and placed the empty blanket crate nearby for a seat.  
  
"Whew," huffed Rey hours later, her hair plastered to her forehead. Ben's appeared the same, and damp rings spread across his undershirt. "The heat here is so odd. Jakku was hotter, but here I actually feel sticky. I've never felt like this before, where the dirt just sticks to you."  
  
"It's called humidity."  
  
"Well I call it sticky, and also gross. This might sound crazy, Ben, but I think I'd like to go in the water again."  
  
"We could get a closer look at that pool," Ben suggested.  
  
"No." Rey's face suddenly turned deadly serious.  
  
Startled by the transition of Rey's earlier joy to something bordering on anger, Ben quickly relented. "Fine. Let's go back to the beach. Bring one of your precious blankets." He smirked at her, and was rewarded with one of Rey's brilliant smiles.  
  
_No bata tu tu muni muni,_ Rey sang all the way there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Star Wars sing-along time! Rey is good at picking up languages, so she probably gets songs stuck in her head all. the. time. 
> 
> The song Rey keeps singing in this chapter is the song playing in Maz's Castle in The Force Awakens - "Jabba Flow" by Lin-Manuel Miranda. [Lyrics and translation reference here.](http://atomdraw.com/jabba-flow-lyrics-song-translation-huttese/) Rough translation: "Whatever it is, I didn’t do it, lover lover." ;)
> 
> I did NOT know that before I decided to use that song in this story - serendipity!
> 
> The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by the brilliant and much-missed Douglas Adams has a hilarious bit about towels that provides inspiration for Rey's speech about blankets. [You can read it here.](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/24779-a-towel-the-hitchhiker-s-guide-to-the-galaxy-says-is) Miss you, Doug. *blows kisses into the ether*
> 
> Sorry this is so cracky, but it was fun to write. Things are about to get serious, though. The next chapter is a sad one. Brace yourself.


	6. Jakku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rain pattered softly on the outer hull as faraway thunder grumbled gently in the night. A nocturnal creature hooted softly nearby. Somehow, her and Ben's separate sleeping pads of neatly folded blankets had turned into one big, scrambled nest, and Ben's head provided heavy comfort, resting just below her sternum.
> 
> Ben was awake too, but it was Kylo Ren's fiery rage looking up at her. "I'll kill them, Rey," he growled, low and dangerous. "I'll find them and I'll kill them all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A notice here for those who need it:
> 
> This chapter refers to imaginary and past sexual assault, pregnancy loss, and death. Keeping it "Teen" rated; nothing is graphic or explicit. The assaults are implied and sketched around. 
> 
> Please take care of yourself.

_Rey struggles and kicks but the three filthy, smelly merchants hold her down firmly. A fourth kneels over her with a lascivious grin. "You're in for it now, girlie," he snarls, teeth blackened and missing, foul breath in her face. "Your friend liked this, after some convincing. You're gonna like it too." Screaming would do her no good, but as the thug paws at his trousers fastener, Rey opens her mouth to scream anyway..._  
  
_NO!_  
  
She woke with a gasp on the unpadded floor of a burned-out Resistance shuttle.  
  
Her shuttle.  
  
Ben's.  
  
Theirs.  
  
_Safe._  
  
Rain pattered softly on the outer hull as faraway thunder grumbled gently in the night. A nocturnal creature hooted softly nearby. Somehow, her and Ben's separate sleeping pads of neatly folded blankets had turned into one big, scrambled nest, and Ben's head provided heavy comfort, resting just below her sternum.  
  
Ben was awake too, but it was Kylo Ren's fiery rage looking up at her. "I'll kill them, Rey," he growled, low and dangerous. "I'll find them and I'll kill them all."  
  
"Shh, it was a dream. It never happened." Rey reached up to smooth Ben's unruly forelock. He calmed at her touch, while her hand tremored. "It never happened... to me."  
  
Rey started lightly shivering, then fully shaking. "It never happened to me," she said again, but tears began to stream down her face.  
  
"Shh, oh, Rey." Ben, himself again, shifted onto his back, gathered Rey into his arms and rested her head on his shoulder. He pulled one of the rough blankets over to them, making sure Rey was tucked in securely. "Shhh, sweetheart, you're okay now. It's all right." He ran a firm, comforting hand up and down her back. After she calmed a bit, he asked, "What happened, Rey? Tell me."  
  
"I don't... I don't want to talk about it," Rey cried softly. But her thoughts were open to Ben as she remembered her only friend on Jakku.  
  
_All the scrapper bosses played a balancing game - keep your scavengers hungry, but healthy enough to bring in profitable parts._  
  
_To that end, all the scavenger girls were injected with an anti-fertility implant around age 12 and told to keep away from the merchant nomads. "If anything happens," they were told, without explanation of what "anything" might encompass, "that's your own problem."_  
  
_Sharis and Rey met in the line to get their implants. Sharis's dark skin with golden hair and eyes contrasted with Rey's paler skin with brown hair and eyes, but otherwise, they could have been twins. They were the same age and had the same height, the same half-starved build. Sharis's mother had died when Sharis was born. Her father had died of an untreated, infected gash just a few months prior. Rey's parents, of course, were just gone on a short trip and would come back for her soon._  
  
_The two girls, otherwise alone, found they worked well together. Sharis was an expert at squeezing into tight spots, while Rey's experience had taught her to spy a valuable piece of scrap with just a glance, even one covered with grease and sand. Rey taught Sharis about healing herbs and how to keep wounds clean, and Sharis never said anything about how long Rey's parents had been gone._  
  
_They became known as "The Jawas" around Niima Outpost, given begrudged respect for their quickness and resolve, and one girl was never without the other._  
  
_But three years after they met, a day came when they were separated. Rey, who was almost never sick, and always went out scavenging even when she was, woke up one morning feverish and aching everywhere, certain that death had come for her at last. Sharis left her with the dregs of yesterday's stew, the last one-eighth portion, and assurance she would be back by sundown._  
  
_"The portion; you'll need it," croaked Rey._  
  
_Sharis looked at Rey with a fond, crooked grin. "YOU need it. I'll be fine. Get some rest."_  
  
_It was the last time Rey saw Sharis smile._  
  
_Sharis didn't come back by sundown. She didn't come back until the next morning. With her clothing dirty and torn, and a cut on her face, she refused to tell Rey what happened. Eyes down, all she would say was, "It's nothing, nothing." She repeated it over and over: "Nothing, nothing, nothing"_  
  
_Within weeks she was vomiting daily. "It's nothing," she told Rey._  
  
_Finally, one evening, Rey sat Sharis down, blocked the access port of the AT-AT and refused to move until Sharis told her what happened._  
  
_It was horrible, unimaginable. The day Rey had been sick, Sharis was late getting to the Outpost. The sun was already setting by the time Sharis finished bargaining with Unkar Plutt (two full portions - an excellent day). As she reached the outskirts of the settlement, she was waylaid by a gang of migrant thugs in the gathering dark, dragged into the shadows behind a junked freighter, and..._  
  
_"I guess my implant was defective," Sharis shrugged. "But I got two portions that day."_  
  
_"Your implant? PORTIONS? Sharis..." Rey reached for her only friend, her sister, with tears in her eyes. "Sharis..." As Rey's arms surrounded the damaged girl, the tough resilience holding Sharis together finally broke. She held onto Rey like a spinebarrel root clinging to a rock, and the two girls sobbed together as the truth of their situation and their fears for the future scoured them like a sandstorm._  
  
_With no other options, Sharis still tried to bring in scrap, even as nausea overwhelmed her, even as her belly grew, but the portions were never enough. Plutt looked at her with increasing disgust and reduced her exchange rate further and further, until Rey had to do all the bargaining in order for them to get anything at all. Even with that strategy, Rey watched her friend's face grow thinner and her limbs ever weaker. When Sharis became too weak and exhausted to scavenge anymore, Rey doubled, then tripled, her efforts to earn enough portions to feed all three of them. Often, she gave up her own portions so Sharis and the unborn child would have more._  
  
_But it wasn't enough. The baby came early, too early, never drawing a single breath. And Rey held Sharis as the weakened, embattled girl's life drifted away with the setting sun._  
  
***  
  
Rey's sobs quieted, but tears ran down her face - and Ben's too. Ben pulled her closer, into a full embrace. "That's when I got serious about learning to use the quarterstaff," Rey explained, muffled against Ben's undershirt. "Before that, I just carried it around to try to look tough, and whack at anyone who got too close. But after Sharis... after that I trained, hard, every day."  
  
"You were right to protect yourself."  
  
"No, Ben." _No one else would be hurt if I was able to stop it._  
  
"It wasn't your fault, Rey." Ben smoothed a damp, tangled lock of hair from Rey's forehead. "It wasn't."  
  
"If I had gone with her that day."  
  
"Shh. It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could to help her."  
  
"She was my only family on Jakku."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I failed her."  
  
"You didn't."  
  
"I never had another friend until Finn."  
  
"I know. I'm so sorry." _For the forest, for Finn, for Han, for the First Order, for everything._  
  
"And I push you away..." _Because I'm afraid._  
  
"It's okay. I understand about nightmares." _And monsters._  
  
Rey was silent for a few moments. "But," Rey hesitated, biting her lower lip. "This is nice," she said. _Your arms around me, this nest of blankets._ "Do you mind?"  
  
"Oh, Rey." He caressed the side of her face, gently stroking from her eyebrow to her jawline. "It's fine, sweetheart. Of course it's fine."  
  
Ben leaned to kiss Rey's forehead, but, wrung out from nightmares and bad memories, Rey had already sunk heavily back to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of the first ones I wrote for this story. It still makes me sad. 
> 
> If you need to talk to someone, and you're in the USA, [here's a link](https://www.rainn.org/).
> 
> We'll be back to our regularly-scheduled fluff next chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	7. Humidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's bad mood did not let up all morning. She stomped her way through their chores, sat in sullen silence over breakfast, and snapped at Ben whenever he tried speaking to her.
> 
> "So, plans today?" he attempted.
> 
> Silence.
> 
> "I thought I might explore up the stream, see if I can find the source."
> 
> "Do whatever you want!"
> 
> Rey stomped away, and Ben watched her go. He didn't know what was bothering her, but he did know he would not be exploring the stream today.

The next day dawned humid and hot. Rey's anger and fear and melancholy from the night before had simmered into a rancid stew of irritation before she was even fully awake. Inside the shuttle, she felt suffocated. Too many memories, too many emotions, even too much Ben.  
  
That giant meat-slab of a man was currently snoring like a baby happabore, with one huge arm flopped heavily across Rey's middle. Rey slipped out from under it and slipped her overwraps and boots on quickly, regarding Ben with irritation. _Not nearly as cute as a baby happabore._  
  
Just then, the unfairly maligned Ben awoke and smiled "Good morning" at her. His soft, dark hair flopped into his sleepy eyes, a situation that Rey usually found uncomfortably charming.  
  
_Not even **close** to as cute as a baby happabore._  
  
_Liar,_ her own thoughts chided her. She spun away from him and stomped her way out of the wreckage.  
  
Before her clanging, metallic footfalls finished echoing through Ben's head, his father's words again arose unbidden in his mind: _"When a woman's mad at you for no reason, kid, best just to give her some space." And that was what Han had done, hadn't he?_ thought Ben. _Given Leia space. Over and over again. Actual space. Like, **outer space** space._ The last time they stood together watching Han leave on the Falcon, his mother was stoic, as usual, but Ben had sensed her anger and fear, the overwhelming sadness that she usually hid so well.  
  
Han had come back (and left again) several times after that day. Ben only left once, and returned much too late.  
  
No matter what was bothering Rey, Ben was determined not to repeat past mistakes.  
  
Rey's bad mood did not let up all morning. She stomped her way through their chores, sat in sullen silence over breakfast, and snapped at Ben whenever he tried speaking to her.  
  
"So, plans today?" he attempted.  
  
Silence.  
  
"I thought I might explore up the stream, see if I can find the source."  
  
"Do whatever you want!"  
  
Rey stomped away, and Ben watched her go. He didn't know what was bothering her, but he did know he would not be exploring the stream today.  
  
***  
  
After a few minutes of stomping through the meadow, Rey realized she was heading in the direction of the beach.  
  
_Kriffing fantastic. Too much kriffing water in the kriffing air. Why not just stand in the huge kriffing ocean and scream at it a while? Kriffing Jakku too dry; this kriffing planet too wet. Can we get some kriffing balance in this kriffing galaxy?_  
  
As soon as Rey's feet hit the sand, her staff did as well. She continued stomping toward the water, unbuckling her belts, letting them and her ever-present satchel drop to the ground. Stomping was difficult in the sand, so she kick-hopped her way out of her boots and continued her determined path. She could sense Ben somewhere behind, watching her, but she did not care. Defying her earlier standards of privacy and modesty, she shed her outer clothes with abandon.  
  
Ben followed at a safe distance behind, partly to give Rey some time, partly for self-preservation. As Rey neared the waterline, Ben began to pick up her discarded items, folding her clothes neatly and finally placing everything in a neat stack on top of one of the boulders dotting the beach.  
  
The gundark currently disguised as Rey wasn't the only thing Ben noticed. The sea and sky both looked angry too. The grey sky was streaked and stained with darker patches of undefined clouds. Waves rolled in and crashed up the beach; not as dangerous as on Ahch-To, but with more strength and fury than Ben had seen yet on this planet.  
  
Rey side-eyed the same sea and sky and found them _kriffing perfect_ for her mood.  
  
She resumed her stomping, pushing directly into the waves, which responded by jumping up and splashing her in return. As she ventured out deeper than her waist, waves swelled and rolled, threatening to knock her off balance.  
  
"Be careful!" Ben called, his concern for her overruling good sense.  
  
"Go away!"  
  
"Rey, you shouldn't be in the water alone when it's this rough."  
  
"What are you, my _mother?_ I said go away!"  
  
But Ben stubbornly refused to go away. Rey reached around for something to throw. Not to hurt him. Just to get him to leave. But, surrounded by water, nothing came easily to hand.  
  
Nothing except... water. If she could lift rocks, why not water? Rey focused her energy and formed a ball of water, slightly larger than her two fists together, and lobbed it at Ben.  
  
A direct hit. To her great satisfaction, it hit Ben exactly where her blaster shot would have during their very first Force bond connection. Rey's scowl lightened a bit seeing Ben flinch.  
  
"Stop that!"  
  
Rey hurled another water ball his way. "Come make me!"  
  
A sigh. "Rey, come on."  
  
Another splash hit him in the shoulder.  
  
"No, you come on," she goaded. "Come on, Ben. Make me stop."  
  
Ben sighed again and considered how much of his previous bad behaviour Rey had put up with.  
  
He could not undress fast enough, however, to ease Rey's impatience. Water blob after water blob pelted him as he removed his boots and outer clothes, tossing them onto the sand near the boulder.  
  
He charged into the water towards Rey, who whooped gleefully and tried to run into deeper water. She wasn't fast enough or tall enough, though, and he scooped her into his arms as she whooped again. But her newly-returned joy was short-lived, as Ben dunked her completely under the surface.  
  
He pulled her out again immediately and set her upright, Rey sputtering but calmer as the need for survival finally distracted her from her previous foul mood.  
  
"Are you all right?" Ben asked, instantly nervous that he had gone too far.  
  
Rey wiped at her eyes and nodded. "I'm okay, just give me a moment." She stepped back.  
  
Too late, Ben realized what was coming next. Rey reached out, and a huge wave of water soaked Ben's face and hair. "Oh, you are in so much trouble!" he shouted, and Rey whooped again as he chased after her.  
  
***  
  
Afterward, they sat on the beach on one of Rey's blankets, both wrapped in Ben's old cape. Rey sat between Ben's knees with her back to him, and watched the glowering sky as Ben braided her hair to keep it out of her eyes.  
  
"How did you learn to do this?" she asked, closing her eyes to better appreciate the sensation of his fingers working through her tangles.  
  
"My mother," he answered simply.  
  
"You should teach me to do yours."  
  
"Hmm," was all Ben replied, but Rey felt contentment, bordering on true happiness, flowing off of him in little swirls and eddies.  
  
The usual warm sun was absent behind clouds, and the ever-present gentle breeze had grown into a real wind. While they rested, the air temperature had dropped, while the waves had grown, extending their reach higher up the shore with every crash.  
  
"All done," declared Ben, finishing her hair. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Rey's shoulders, pressing his cheek to hers. Calm and quiet contentment surrounded them. The weather, however, continued to grow more turbulent.  
  
"Why is it so rough today?" asked Rey.  
  
"Might be a storm off shore," Ben explained. "We should head back soon; the weather could change quickly." He hesitated a moment. "What about you?  
  
"What?" Rey asked, puzzled. She pulled away a bit and turned to look at him.  
  
Ben looked into her eyes. "Why so rough today?"  
  
"Oh." Rey looked back at the angry sky, and sat back against Ben's chest again. She was silent for a moment. "I don't know. The humidity. Nightmares. I don't know if we're stuck here. People I thought were my friends might be my enemies."  
  
"I've been thinking," her companion ventured, "we haven't been training at all. We were onboard for days with the supposed mission, and since landing, we've been busy setting up camp and exploring, and, well, the water."  
  
"You might be right, that might help," Rey agreed. "Tomorrow we'll start training."  
  
***  
  
Weeks go by. When the sky turns white under the afternoon sun each day, and the temperature inside the shuttle rises too high even for a desert dweller, Ben senses Rey's growing frustration with ship repairs and intervenes, holding a hand out to her: "I'm going down to the shore. Join me?"  
  
The breezy beach is cooler than the sun-stricken meadow, excellent for both meditation and combat training. Barefoot in the hard-packed-sand, they face off with sticks or hand-to-hand until they're both winded and worn out.  
  
Afterward, they soothe their bruises in the cool, salty water. Ben then supports Rey's shoulders, and drones a meditative chant for her as she floats. He watches for the moment that she achieves her sought-after oneness with the water and tries not to think about how her lips part as her entire body relaxes with a sigh.  
  
Rey tries not to think about his strong hands under her shoulders and where else they could be.  
  
Afterward, they sit in the warm sun until their clothes dry. Ben braids Rey's hair back from her face, and teaches her to do the same for him.  
  
On clear nights, as evening sets in, they climb the outer hull of their ship and watch as moons rise or set and the purple-pink sky fades to inky black dusted with stars.  
  
Other nights they sit by the fire, talking, or not talking, and dream of home.  
  
The weeks pass. Every night Rey etches a small, vertical scar in the inner hull.  
  
The planned hammocks never seem to appear. No one minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey: "Hammocks? I don't remember saying anything about hammocks." *whistles innocently*
> 
> Ben: *doesn't argue*


	8. Repairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You have nothing to worry about, she sent to him over the bond. It's not like this. This is just ours, you ridiculous man._
> 
>  
> 
> Rey carefully walked over to where Ben knelt with the dishes, placing her hand on his head and weaving her fingers through his lengthening hair. She caressed his face, thumb running lightly over the scar she ripped into him so long ago, and smoothed the thin beard growing under his chin. _You're so handsome, Ben,_ she thought softly, and gently lifted his face so that he would look at her.
> 
>  
> 
> _This is ours alone, sweetheart. This is just us._

_Rey's knee is caught in a crevice inside a derelict ship. She's somehow wedged herself between a large pipe and a wall, with one arm wrapped around the pipe, following its path as it bends upwards at a near 90-degree angle. Her other hand is trapped between her chest and the wall. None of this is uncomfortable, somehow. She is calm, but also excitedly curious to see what happens next._  
  
_Her trapped leg is in no pain; the pressure around it fluctuates from time to time, but is warm and pleasant. She's able to turn her caught arm enough to flatten her hand against the wall, which is also warm, and strangely pliant. Mechanical systems vibrate beneath her palm. Behind her, the pipe constricts further, pressing her body completely against the wall. Rey struggles briefly, but a soft breeze carries a pleasant, relaxing odor: wood smoke and sea salt, with something fresh and green as well. Rey loses all desire to disentangle herself from her predicament. In fact, she has a sudden urge to **taste** the wall, and, surprising herself, does so. _  
  
_The wall makes a sound, something between a gasp and a hiccup._  
  
Suddenly very awake, Rey's eyes popped open, then snapped shut again immediately.  
  
_Son of a karking sarlaac._  
  
***  
  
_Ben has captured an creature that he pursued for so long, too long. When their chase began, it resisted him tooth and nail, but it now rests easily in his arms. By capturing it, he has tamed it. Or has he? Which is the tamer, and which is the tamed?_  
  
_The creature shivers. He pulls it closer to share his warmth and it calms. The weighty responsibility for its care rests heavily on Ben's mind. He is soothed, however, by the creature's scent: wood smoke and sea salt, plus something spicy and warm underneath. The creature looks up and gives Ben's neck a tiny lick. In his dream, Ben laughs._  
  
_The creature bolts from his arms and disappears._  
  
***  
  
When Ben awoke, the only sound inside the shuttle was the whisper from the air filters. Rey was already up and gone, no doubt getting her customary early start to the day. Ben turned onto his back and tried to remember the dream he had just before waking. _Something about an animal, something..._  
  
Then he remembered.  
  
_Oh, kriff._  
  
***  
  
Breakfast began in silence, with even their thoughts blocked from each other.  
  
After a few minutes, "So..." they both started.  
  
Then, at the same time: "No, you go first." "Please, go ahead."  
  
Neither attempted to speak for a while longer. Their eyes focused intently on the food, on the sunrise, anywhere but the only other human being on the entire planet.  
  
Ben's foraging the day before had yielded some kind of small-leaved, fragrant plant that enhanced the bland portions with a fresh taste and a hint of sweetness. Rey, feeling this would be a safe topic, took a deep breath and spoke. "So, um, this tastes good, this herb you added. You'll have to show me..." she trailed off, suddenly remembering where she had only too recently smelled it.  
  
After finishing the rest of the meal in silence, Ben stood and held his hand out to Rey. She looked up at him, questioning, her eyes large and vulnerable. Slowly, excrutiatingly slowly, she placed her hand in his.  
  
"I, uh, just need your plate," said Ben, reddening.  
  
"Oh," said Rey, quickly pulling her hand away and once again refusing to meet his eyes. "Sorry."  
  
As Ben cleaned the dishes, Rey stood and walked away, standing with her back to him at the nose of the ship, one hand resting on the hull. She looked at the ground and scuffed the toe of her boot in the ashes there. _This is stupid,_ she thought. _It was just a dream. It could happen to anybody. It doesn't mean that I love him or that I want him or, or anything like that._  
  
_Ah, but you do,_ her own thoughts chided her once again.  
  
"Are you communing with the ship?" Ben called from behind her, interrupting her thoughts.  
  
She turned and saw his teasing smile. "What?" she responded with a frown.  
  
"Are you communing? With the ship? Uh, because your hand, uh you were..." he trailed off, face reddening from his failure to lighten the situation.  
  
"Why would I do that?"  
  
"To see what, uh, to decide what to work on next. I guess. Or something," Ben mumbled, and turned back to re-clean the already-clean dishes.  
  
Rey watched him working, the tight coil in her chest releasing a bit. "Comms," Rey said after a pause. "Still trying to get comms up so we can let someone know we're alive."  
  
"Ah," Ben said bitterly, lips pursed, still scrubbing at the already-spotless dishes. "To the Trai- uh, to Finn? I wouldn't be surprised if you two have some kind of code or something," he sniffed.  
  
She wrinkled her nose at him, still frowning a bit. "I would be trying to reach Finn, yes, because he is a loyal friend, and I trust him. And, yes, we do have a code. But it's just the usual Resistance code, Ben. Not a secret communication system."  
  
Rey caught the wave of jealousy that drifted from Ben. _Ah kriff, this is ridiculous,_ she thought to herself.  
  
_You have nothing to worry about,_ she sent to him over the bond. _It's not like this. This is just ours, you ridiculous man._  
  
Rey carefully walked over to where Ben knelt with the dishes, placing her hand on his head and weaving her fingers through his lengthening hair. She caressed his face, thumb running lightly over the scar she ripped into him so long ago, and smoothed the thin beard growing under his chin. _You're so handsome, Ben,_ she thought softly, and gently lifted his face so that he would look at her.  
  
_This is ours alone, sweetheart. This is just us._  
  
***  
  
"Ow!" Rey's cry rang out from the interior of the ship, followed by two clangs, and a shouted, "KRIFF."  
  
_Is she throwing tools?_ Ben wondered from atop the ship, where he perched to clear dust from the solar panels and viewports. He checked his chrono, surprised at Rey's frustration this early in the day. He reached out, but she had closed her mind to him, as she sometimes did while working on the ship. She claimed it was so she could work without distractions.  
  
_Time to be a distraction._  
  
Ben stuck his head inside the hull to find Rey sitting on the floor in the cockpit with her legs tucked under the control panel. As he watched, she rubbed her hands together, then sucked on an injured finger.  
  
"You okay? What happened?" he asked.  
  
"There's a compartment stuck, and I need to get it out so I can try to bypass the wiring inside."  
  
"What's the trouble?"  
  
"It has two sets of clips holding it into the control panel. Both have to be undone at the same time. But it's designed for maintenance droids, little ones like the BeeBees. As soon as I get one set unclipped, the other set clicks back in. I can't hold both sets open at the same time. I'd need four hands." Rey laughed a little, looking at her inadequate number of hands, and then looked up.  
  
Ben held out his hands to her. "Will these work?"  
  
The next thing Rey knew, Ben crouched behind her, his long legs tucked up on either side of her hips. His chest pressed to her back as he leaned to reach the access panel. "Is this okay?"  
  
_This is the same way we sit at the beach. It's no big deal,_ Rey thought, but after the morning's events, it felt very different. Ben's hair tickled her ear and the back of her neck as he leaned in closer. She could smell his wood smoke and salty air and that wretched, delicious herbal scent. Rey took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I'm fine."  
  
"Where do you need my hands?" Ben practically hummed against her neck.  
  
_Kriffing everywhere,_ Rey thought before she stopped herself, but thankfully she had not yet re-opened her mind to him.  
  
She struggled to breathe evenly, or at all. _Don't be afraid; I feel it too_ brushed against her mind, not reassuring in the slightest.  
  
"Here," She determinedly took his hands and guided them to one set of clips, then, reluctantly, moved her hands away to the other set. "Ok, count of three?"  
  
"Mmm," was Ben's low-rumble reply, more felt in her spine than heard.  
  
The compartment came away easily with their coordinated effort. Ben held it while Rey again reached under the control panel to disengage the connector plugs. Rey intended to take the assembly from Ben's hands, but once she had the weight of it, he moved his hands to cover hers.  
  
The part clattered to the ship floor, unheeded by either of them, as Ben began to gently rub Rey's fingers with his own.  
  
"Stop doing that," she whispered, even less certain if she was actually breathing.  
  
"What?" Ben asked innocently, still so, so close.  
  
"My hands are dirty."  
  
Ben nuzzled his lips against Rey's ear. "Which one did you hurt?  
  
"Th-this one," stammered Rey, holding out the offended digit. Ben pulled the injured finger to his mouth and pressed it to his lips.  
  
"You shouldn't... " protested Rey. "My... my hands are dirty."  
  
"So are mine," Ben rumbled, his cheek to hers.  
  
Time seemed to slow, and Rey was certain that every single nerve she owned was firing at the same time. Ben's knees and thighs gently clasped her ribcage, his heartbeat thudded against her back, and his upper arms pressed against her shoulders as he continued to massage her fingers.  
  
She felt Ben's lips gently press her cheek, very near the corner of her mouth. _All I have to do is turn my head._ Her vision blurred slightly, and she whispered, "Ben, I..."  
  
And then she was gone again, up and out of the ship before he could say anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward breakfast is awkward!
> 
> Also, side note to Ben: "Don't be afraid; I feel it too," is not nearly as helpful as you think it is.


	9. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exercise generally has a way of purging the soul, overturning even the worst of moods.
> 
> Usually, both Ben and Rey found satisfaction in the challenge of sparring with an opponent whose skill so closely matched their own. It never mattered who won or who lost. Points scored and bruises suffered were quickly forgotten. Past sparring sessions at the beach generally ended in laughter, with meditation and a swimming lesson in between
> 
> Not this time.

_Plod, plod, plod, kick, stomp, grind._ A tuft of burnt-up grass that somehow had not already crumbled into ash fell victim to Rey's miserable circuits around the crash site.  
  
Her third lap finished off the rest of the unfortunate vegetation, leaving Rey to conduct her fourth lap with nothing better to do than finally address the doubts and questions jangling around her brain.  
  
_Why couldn't she kiss Ben? Why wouldn't she?_ They already shared a kinship closer than Rey had ever known with anyone, not with Sharis, not at base, not even in the forced intimacy aboard the crowded Falcon after Crait. They see each other nearly undressed almost every day and spend their evenings talking by the fire or watching the stars. They hold each other after nightmares, and sleep next to each other every night, waking up in their nest of jumbled blankets like a litter of snoozing happabore kits, warm and content.  
  
And proximity is one thing, but the way he makes her _feel_ is something else entirely. She felt that pull to him from their first encounter on Takodana, even as they tried to kill each other, even as she was completely terrified of him. After defeating Snoke and the Guard, she was ready to sink to the hard, cold metal floor of the Supremacy and give everything to him right then, if only he had seen any tiny bit of reason at all. Even when she shut him out after Crait, she longed for him. During lonely nights on the crowded Falcon, in her quarters at one new base after another, while warfare and negotiations raged, she had kept her mind closed to him, but she fought the urge to reach out to him every single day.  
  
The day that Kylo Ren was marched into the Resistance headquarters, wrists bound and heavily guarded, ready to spill everything he knew that would help them take down the First Order, was the very best day of Rey's life to that point.  
  
She knows he's disappointed, but so is she.  
  
Rey stopped her pointless marching and flopped down to sit in the shade next to the ship.  
  
_What would that even be like?_  
  
Rey gently ran her fingertips over her own lips, then closed her eyes and pressed her mouth to the back of her hand.  
  
***  
  
Inside the ship, Ben sat on his blanket stack with his head in his hands. _Why couldn't Rey kiss him? Why wouldn't she?_ He would never push her, but Rey, she's his other half, isn't she? He had searched his feelings; he knew that it was so. He dreamt of her even before Takodana, when he only barely sensed her existence, and knew nothing of her kindness, her strength, or her pretty face. He had felt the pull to her all along, even when she tried to kill him on Starkiller, even when she closed the Falcon door in his face on Crait. She's his counterpart in the Force. When he feels the Dark calling him, she brings him Light. It took him a long time to accept that he had her heart; it took him such a terribly long time to earn it. He's waited so long to be with her.  
  
Has he been wrong about Rey, about their connection, their future, this entire time?  
  
Ben felt a light caress, then a pressure against his lips. Puzzled, he pushed back.  
  
The press came again, stronger this time.  
  
Ben pressed back again, and sent with it a wisp of a thought: _Why not?_  
  
***  
  
_Why not?_ lightly brushed against Rey's mind as she sat on the ground, dejected in ashes, leaning against the shuttle's outer hull.  
  
_Why not? Little Rey, nine years old, asks her boss. Why can't she climb with the older girls inside the old Star Destroyer? She sensed something in there, something valuable that the big girls had missed. No, she didn't know exactly what it was. Or where it was. But she could get it, she was sure she could._  
  
_But Unkar Plutt refuses and tells her: "Don't set your heart on the unsure thing."_  
  
_Seven years later, she plunks the valuable part down on the trading counter and dares to raise a cheeky eyebrow at her boss. "This is the part," she tells him. "The one you wouldn't let me go after."_  
  
_"You weren't ready. It wasn't a sure thing, then or now, Rey," he scolds. "Two portions."_  
  
_"Three," counters Rey, surprising herself. "Greater risk, greater reward."_  
  
_Plutt looks at her for a moment with disgust, then smacks a third portion pack onto the counter and shoos her away._  
  
_Greater risk, greater reward._ But what would happen if she risked kissing Ben? Would things still feel normal, working and training with the easy camaraderie they had achieved together? Or would it be awkward, like this morning? Would they bond together for always, traveling the galaxy, righting wrongs back to back? Would they be content to stay on this deserted planet, raising happy, Force-sensitive babies?  
  
Or would he take whatever he wanted, as he once threatened, leaving her behind like Sharis was left behind? Like Rey's own parents had left her behind?  
  
One emotion, one desire simmered beneath everything else Rey wished for: She would never be abandoned again.  
  
Kissing Ben was starting down a risky path, indeed. And Rey had no idea what the reward would be.  
  
***  
  
Rey was considering what to do next, still sitting in the shade with her back against the ship's hull, when Ben came out to find her.  
  
Looking up at him was like looking at a giant. He stood before her, barefoot, dressed for sparring in a white undershirt and the remains of the "large" jumpsuit that Rey had cut into knee-length shorts for him. The sun shone an aura around him through his flowing hair, so brightly that Rey could hardly see his face. He held her staff in one hand, and his own sparring stick in the other. They spent so much time in the sun now that Ben's skin was tanned like hers, and his long hair had lightened to a dark auburn. Anger, frustration, and his long-controlled desire shimmered off of him, almost visible in the shadow of the ruined ship.  
  
_He's so tall and strong and beautiful,_ Rey thought. Luke had accused her of almost turning to the dark side because of Ben's pretty eyes; what would he think of her now? _Maybe Luke was right after all._  
  
Ben scoffed inside her head: _Luke was full of poodoo about that. You've already proved him wrong._  
  
Ben tossed her staff to her. Aloud, he demanded, "The beach. Let's go. Now."  
  
***  
  
Exercise generally has a way of purging the soul, overturning even the worst of moods.  
  
Usually, both Ben and Rey found satisfaction in the challenge of sparring with an opponent whose skill so closely matched their own. It never mattered who won or who lost. Points scored and bruises suffered were quickly forgotten. Past sparring sessions at the beach generally ended in laughter, with meditation and a swimming lesson in between.  
  
Not this time.  
  
Early on in their training sessions, they had jointly ruled out using the Force bond to either one's advantage, but this time the rule hardly seemed to matter. This time, it felt as if they knew each other too well. The satisfaction of besting a well-matched partner eluded them as their contest dragged on with no winner in sight, and neither willing to concede.  
  
In fact, at times it felt all too much like a real fight. Hit after hit, weapon clashed against weapon, against flesh. Precision of form disappeared in a flurry of slashes and hacks. No gentle taps signified points scored.  
  
Rey anticipated a particularly rare and tricky move from Ben and knocked his feet out from under him, dumping him to the sand.  
  
"No Force bond!" he yelled.  
  
"I'm not!" she yelled right back. "I don't have to look in your head to know all your moves."  
  
"And I know all of yours!"  
  
"Then why didn't you see that coming?" she taunted.  
  
"I don't know, Rey! Maybe there are some things I _don't_ understand about you! Maybe a lot of things!"  
  
Rey scoffed at this, but had nothing to say in retort as Ben got to his feet and grabbed his training weapon.  
  
They faced each other in silence, breathing heavily from fighting and frustration and that unnamed emotion simmering underneath.  
  
Finally, Ben broke their standoff. "Fine. Your point. Ready?" He took his stance and held his sparring stick in start position, his feet planted in the sand. But Rey just stood before him and lowered her head.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, get ready."  
  
"No, Ben." She tossed her staff to the side.  
  
"What? What's going on?"  
  
"I'm not going to fight you."  
  
Ben relaxed his pose slightly. "We fight every day."  
  
"Not like this, Ben. We _spar_ every day. We _train_ every day. This is something else, something..." she shook her head... _something almost dark._  
  
Ben jabbed his weapon into the sand, waiting.  
  
"I'm not ready," Rey repeated, her shoulders trembling.  
  
And then the dam burst. "I'm sorry, Ben. I'm sorry. I don't want you angry with me. I lo... I wan... I just... I'm not ready, Ben. I don't know why. Just please don't be angry with me," these last words muffled into Ben's chest as he gathered her into his arms.  
  
"Rey, oh, sweetheart. I would never be ang... I could never _stay_ angry at you. I would never hurt you and I would never push you." This and other nonsense he muttered into her hair, planting tiny kisses along her hairline, her temples and forehead.  
  
Rey stayed in his arms for several long minutes until her shuddering subsided, along with her darker thoughts and fears. _Ben Solo is real. He's still good. I can sense it. He's still Ben. I'm still safe with him. I can trust him._ Rey pulled back slightly and looked at Ben with tear-stained eyes.  
  
"To the water?" he asked. Rey nodded.  
  
They walked out together, hand in hand until the water got too deep for Rey to stay on her feet. Ben helped her lay back, beginning their usual lesson, supporting her shoulders. But regret over his previous anger at Rey distracted him too much to help Rey with her floating meditation chant.  
  
_I forgot who she was, who I am. Who we are together. What we could be. Oh, Rey, I'm so sorry._  
  
"Ben?" Rey looked up at him, upside-down in her floating position. "It's okay."  
  
Ben gathered up Rey around her waist, and Rey clasped her hands around the back of his neck. "I'm sorry," he started in a low voice.  
  
"I know," Rey answered softly. "I think we can skip the floating today."  
  
Something of Han Solo's mischievous grin crossed Ben's face. "So, what do you want to learn instead?" he asked Rey.  
  
"Actually, I think I want to show you something," she said with a shy smile.  
  
Before Ben could get the "Oh, really?" out of his smirking mouth, Rey pressed her lips firmly against his.  
  
_Too firm; too much nose,_ she thought, pulling away and reconsidering her approach like she would plot navigation from one planet to another.  
  
"Rey, I... Rey..." Ben stammered, breathless, fractured thoughts flying off in a thousand directions. _Are you... Can I..._  
  
Rey extinguished his thoughts with a second attempt. Gentler, this time. Softer, with her own lips parted slightly. She closed her eyes and gently pressed a third time.  
  
_Open for me._  
  
Ben parted his lips, slipping over Rey's bottom lip and holding it, testing. Rey locked her upper lip over Ben's, and waited. Ben pulled away, then pressed his mouth again to Rey's lips, his own slightly farther apart this time. They paused, unsure, until Rey used the tip of her tongue to find Ben's. Testing and tasting quickly expanded to reaching and grasping. Tentative inquiries gave way to bolder, hungrier explorations.  
  
Rey's hands dug into Ben's hair and smoothed over his neck and face. She scrabbled her fingers through his beard and lightly traced his scar, her horrible gift to him, from above his eyebrow to as far as she could comfortably reach on his chest. Ben's hands spread across her back, hips, shoulders as if trying to feel all of her skin at once.  
  
Lost in euphoria, Rey didn't realize when her legs clasped around Ben's waist, or when his thumb started caressing, teasing, exploring along the edge of her breastband. But when he bent her back and started kissing down her neck, when something _hard_ twitched against Rey's thigh, she realized exactly what she would be doing next if she didn't stop herself.  
  
_Ben, wait._ The tip of Ben's thumb just barely slipped under the edge of her breastband. Rey gasped. _Ben!_

"Ben, wait!"  
  
"Mmm?" His lips nuzzled along her collarbone. He inhaled at her neck, and murmured a low moan.  
  
"Ben! Stop!"  
  
She pushed him away using the Force, into deeper water. When she spotted him again, he was safely treading water a short distance away. Rey was alone and in over her head. But their practice had taken hold at some level and she kicked and scrambled herself closer to shore until she could stand on her own.  
  
_Rey!_ Ben called to her, from where he tread in the deep water, afraid to approach and risk spooking her.  
  
"Rey!"  
  
No answer.  
  
"I'm sorry!"  
  
No answer.  
  
"REY!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, a normal-length chapter! I hope you liked it.
> 
> We are firmly into AU territory here, since obviously Reylo will be canon by the end of IX ;)
> 
> ADDED 10/10/18: Microsoft ate my document. All of it. Trying to restore, but I may need to rewrite the last 3 chapters from scratch. In the immortal words of Lawrence Oates: "I am just going outside and may be some time."


	10. Regrets

Ben moved into the emergency tent. Rey didn't ask him to. That day, that terrible, confusing day, she had grabbed her things from the beach and marched back to the shuttle alone and dripping wet. She sat inside wrapped in a blanket, wondering if it was possible to shiver to death.

Ben didn't come back until nearly dark. He didn't say a word, just looked at her regretfully, grabbed the tent, his blanket stack, and a small lantern, and walked out.

***

 _Watch your back, Rey!_ Sharis' dream-voice broke through Rey's slumber early the next morning. She woke up cold and abandoned on the floor of the shuttle, arms clutched around the blanket padding, while her legs lay directly on the cold durasteel. Except for where she grasped it, the stack remained mostly neat and tidy. A single, thin blanket covered Rey's shoulders and back, but otherwise she was completely unprotected. Rey shivered.

***

Rey didn't show up for breakfast. Ben had taken special care with her portion, adding a newly-discovered plant to the side and seasoning everything with carefully-preserved sea salt. He saved it for her, waiting for her to return, until it turned cold and hard. Finally, he threw it into the fire.

Rey came back around mid-day, limping a bit, with bruises blooming along her arms and legs from their fight the day before. A different kind of red splotch marked her neck. Ben had bruised her before in their sparring, just as she had bruised him. But not in anger, never in anger. And their kissing... _How could I have done this?_

"Rey- " he reached out to her.

"Don't _touch_ me," she hissed at him, grabbing tools and disappearing into the wreckage.

Ben waited outside, gathering water and foraging for leafy greens nearby. But when the day's heat rose to the point where Rey would usually emerge from the wreckage, she did not.

***

Inside the shuttle, Rey tossed a hydrospanner toward the far side of the inner hull. Before it hit, she stopped it with the Force, and called it back to her hand. Over and over, the tool flew back and forth, back and forth, as Rey battled with herself.

 _This. This is why I wasn't going to kiss him._ Had she enjoyed it? Sure. Did she want to stop? Not really. _Which is exactly why I didn't feel ready to start in the first place!_

She ruined everything by kissing Ben.

But still. Ben hadn't stopped when she asked him to.

Not that she had spelled that out until Ben found himself treading water.

_Maybe he was just distracted._

_Maybe he should have sensed her nervousness in the first place and been ready to stop at an instant._

_Maybe she shouldn't have wrapped her legs around him._

_Maybe that shouldn't kriffing matter!_

Faster and faster, the spanner flew across the shuttle and back to Rey's hand. Finally, she called it back one final time, pulling her saber-staff and slashing the tool to pieces in mid-air.

Breathing hard with rage and confusion, Rey's eyes burned, looking for something else, anything else to vent her frustrations on.

The control panel. The _kriffing_ control panel. It appeared much as it had the first day, burned-out components, non-functioning systems and all. Nothing seemed to have improved since they crashed here. Nothing.

 _Useless kriffing piece of poodoo._ First to go was the communication panel cover that she had needed _his_ hands to remove. Rey Force-threw it into the air and slashed it into six pieces before it could hit the ground.

The main console was next. Frustrated by the length of the saber-staff, Rey clicked it into single-blade mode for better maneuverability, shredding every last button and gauge.

If any of Rey's repairs had put them closer to getting off-planet, that advantage was destroyed as Rey decimated the controls and switches that would make escape possible.

Hunger, thirst, desire, fear... all were forgotten as Rey finished destroying what the crash had not.

***

Feeling unwanted at camp, Ben headed upstream alone. As he passed the dark pool, he paused and gave it a long look. _Don't,_ said a voice in his head. _Keep going._

Rey didn't want him exploring the pool. He should take the opportunity without her around.

_I can take whatever I want._

Well, that was the problem, wasn't it? He was always taking, taking, taking like some kind of human-feeding mynock. A vision of him sucking on Rey's neck flashed into Ben's mind. He quickly dismissed it and trudged onward. Where had all this taking gotten him?

Even braiding Rey's hair was taking, in a way. After all, Ben hadn't told her that the style of braid that he plaited into her hair, that he taught her to braid into his, had a meaning. A very specific meaning.

 _You fool,_ he berated himself. _You utter moof-milker. Did you think she wouldn't find out? Did you think that Alderaan decendants are so rare that no one would know? No one would comment? You just had to go ahead and use the wedding style, didn't you? No big deal, just the basic "I'm taken forever" message. Just the normal, "Look at my wife and me and our matching braids symbolizing our eternal love and partnership. Watch us as we wear them every day like a couple of moon-eyed newlyweds." Nothing I should have asked her about. No reason to clearly let her know how I felt, maybe check in to get her thoughts on the matter. Or maybe use one of the_ other _hundreds of braid styles in the galaxy._

Ben stopped his frustrated plodding in alarm. He could picture it clearly: Poe Dameron's surprised look, then the slow, knowing smirk as the pilot asks Rey if Ben took her braids _down_ too.

Ben's hands clenched into fists. Nearby, a small tree exploded. A small creature flew away, shrieking in panic.

_She was right. She was always right. I **am** a monster._

It became a mantra, pacing with his steps as he made his way upstream:

_I'm a_

step

_monster_

step

_I'm a_

step

_monster_

step

 _I didn't though,_ Ben defended himself. _I always waited until they were falling out._ He conjured a memory of Rey, braids hanging loosely in her face, complaining and tugging at them herself until they came apart completely. Her bright eyes as she looked up at him, _Please?_

Other reminders of Rey abounded as the land climbed and the meadow changed to a brushy area, then a proper forest. A small waterfall in the stream sounded like her laugh. The sun highlighted a shrubby plant the exact color of Rey's eyes reflecting the sea when they swam.

When Ben stepped in a mud puddle and his first thought was of the color of Rey's robes, he realized he had, quite possibly, finally lost his mind. Banning any more thoughts of Rey, he focused on reaching what appeared to be a small cave higher up on the mountain.

Hours later, as the sky darkened and the largest moon began to brighten in the sky, Ben looked down over the meadow where their ship rested. Rey was down there somewhere. Happier without him, he supposed.

Just above him, the cave's wide aperture opened in the mountain face. After a few more minutes of climbing, Ben reached it and stepped inside. The contents of the cave stopped him short at the entrance.

 _What was that phrase Rey used? The blasphemous one? Oh right,_ he remembered.

_R’iia’s shorts!_

***

Hours past mid-day, exhausted, with shattered console fragments scattered throughout the ship's interior, Rey finally gathered control of her emotions and temper and looked at what she had done.

She had ruined everything, was what she had done. All of it. They would never leave this planet, at least not on this ship. She was stuck here forever, all alone except for an infuriating man who she loved deeply and who probably hated her.

She could admit it now: she loved him. Like some kind of laserbrained nerf-herder, she loved him.

That night, Rey crawled deep under the remains of the console and wrapped herself tightly within a single thin blanket. Shivering, with her back pressed tightly against the inner hull, Rey cried herself to sleep.

***

As the glowing moonlight lit the cave's interior, Ben quickly counted the ships. Just five tiny, short-range two-seaters. Yet, more than enough. An unfamiliar design, with markings in an unknown language, Ben considered their possible origin.

After his surrender, the Resistance went on the move almost instantly, hopping from one Outer Rim hideout to another. His and Rey's "recruitment tour" may have started close to the edge of the known galaxy.

Unknown Region ships, then?

He reached overhead to run his fingers along the edge of the wing, stirring up a cloud of fine dust that choked him momentarily. No one had checked on this little fleet in a long time.

After a long, dreary day, Ben finally felt a spark of hope. These tiny ships might be useful. If they powered up, if the nav systems were working, if they could connect to the galactic datanet and update, if the fuel cells were charged, if all these _ifs_ came together, they could possibly figure out where they were, and maybe even get to another planet where they could trade up for something bigger and longer-range.

They could leave.

Or.

 _He_ could leave. Alone. Rey must surely hate him anyway.

 _Always Solo,_ he thought. _It's right there in the kriffing name._

A thick power cable ran from the nearest ship and ended where it plugged into an energy transformer. Ben placed a palm against the hull where he thought a power cell might be and, indeed, sensed a warmth there. Fully charged, he estimated. Ben's eyes roamed up another cable from the power pack that ran across the floor, up the wall of the cave, and then through a small opening. Outside, he found wires disguised as vines leading to solar collectors mounted outside the cave, cleverly disguised to blend in with the mountainside.

Back inside, Ben flipped a switch on the base of the transformer, and heard an encouraging hum as a spark of life ran to the ship, priming the engines for ignition.

Forget navs and comms and everything else. He could leave right now. Alone. Without _her._

Without Rey. To never again see her bright, open smile, or the tiny vertical line in her forehead when he said something stupid. To never spar with her again, admire her speed and strength as their weapons clash, the way she grins and holds her hand out to help him to his feet after a match. To never again help her float or run his fingers through the tangles in her hair. Never again feel her back press against his in the night, to feel her shivers smooth over as she absorbs his warmth.

To never be able to explain about the braids.

Never have the opportunity to take them down.

 _Always Solo,_ he thought again. _That's what I deserve, after all._

Ben reversed the ignition switch, hand remaining on the transformer as the starter whined down. Removing his long cloak, he laid it on the floor of the cave, near the tiny ship's landing gear. _Maybe tomorrow,_ he thought, lying on the hard ground. _Maybe tomorrow._

***

Used to Ben's warmth at her back, the chill of the ship's hull drove Rey into the warm sunlight even earlier than usual.

When she came back from washing up at the stream, Ben still wasn't in his usual crouch over their small fire, preparing breakfast. Rey shooed away the small quadruped snuffling around their food crate, grabbed a protein stick, and headed to the emergency tent.  

Ben wasn't there either. Heading back inside the ship, Rey stopped short inside the door. The rising sun shone into one of the viewports, illuminating the sparkling bits of metal and glass from the mess she made the day before.

_Those kriffing comms. All it would have taken is a functional power supply, a transmitter, and a receiver._

Hearing the whirr of the air filters gave Rey an idea so simple that she smacked her forehead in frustration. Solar power. Rey had direct-wired the air filters to the solar panels once the backup batteries died. But she never even tried wiring the communication components to the solar panels. Rey cursed her own stupidity, the old shuttle and the fact that none of this model had crash-landed on Jakku 10 years before her birth.

If only they'd had the _Falcon_. There were few parts on that old ship that neither Ben nor Rey could fix, especially if Chewie was around to assist. That Leia had gifted the ship to Chewbacca on her deathbed surprised no one, but if she was honest with herself, Rey had been slightly disappointed. With the galaxy finally settling down, Chewie decided to as well, and they all stood outside the hangar and waved as he left for Kashyyyk one more time.

Well. They didn't have the _Falcon,_ or Chewie to help fix it. Right now, she didn't even have Ben.

So many in the Resistance had hoped that Rey would bring peace to the galaxy. Rey herself would be happy with bringing it to this one lonely planet.

***

Rey left the shuttle and grabbed the filtration jug to gather water. Crouching by the stream as the jug filled, a footstep cracked behind her.

Cursing her lack of staff or saber, Rey spun and jumped to her feet.

Resisting the urge to throw herself into Ben's arms, Rey instead tamped down the excitement in her eyes and tried to adapt a cool demeanor.

"Oh. Hi. Uh, where did you go?"

"Upstream."

"Oh good, you finally got to go. Find um, anything interesting?" Rey hoped that Ben would have one of his usual exploration tales for her. His enthusiastic stories with lavish descriptions of plants and animals he had found, enhanced by his father's gift of embellishment, had entertained them both on many evenings by the fire. If he told that kind of story now, she would know that everything was all right between them.

"Not really."

"Oh. Well, I um, filled the water jug," she said, disappointed. Ben extended his hand to take it from her, but Rey captured his hand in both of hers. "Ben," she started, looking in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Ben said nothing, just met her gaze with his own, until Rey finally looked away.

Then he spoke. "I'm the one who should apologize, Rey. I shouldn't have... pushed."

She looked back at him. "And I shouldn't have... pulled. I'm sorry, Ben. I should never have kissed you."

"Oh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst alert! #sorrynotsorry
> 
> One Wookieepedia article I found estimated that 60,000 Alderaanians were off-world at the planet's destruction. (Of course, I can't find that article now.) Some of them tried to rebuild, forming [New Alderaan](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/New_Alderaan). Only 35 years later, it's almost certain that someone would recognize that braid pattern.
> 
> Of course, I can't find anything on Wookieepedia about specific braid patterns or the euphemism "taking the braids down", so I'm not sure if all that is fanon or just bad search skills on my part. If you have references, feel free to post/link them in the comments. Thank you!
> 
> By the way... HELLO AGAIN! Sorry for the long delay. I am still hoping to finish this story for you all.


	11. The Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three days after their supposed reconciliation, Ben still hadn't moved back into the ship.
> 
> Even more frustrating, he was still blocking his thoughts from Rey. Today felt different, however. Like more than a simple block. In fact, she couldn't sense him at all.
> 
> He wasn't _gone_ gone, she noted. He wasn't _dead._ He just wasn't _there._ As if he was blocking his entire being from everything. As if someone had punched a Ben-shaped hole in the Force.

"Good morning, sleepy- hey!" A morning breezed flapped against the opening of the emergency tent. Rey stuck her head inside, but Ben wasn't there.

Three days after their supposed reconciliation, Ben still hadn't moved back into the ship.

Even more frustrating, he was still blocking his thoughts from Rey. Today felt different, however. Like more than a simple block. In fact, she couldn't sense him at all.

He wasn't _gone_ gone, she noted. He wasn't _dead_. He just wasn't _there_. As if he was blocking his entire being from everything. As if someone had punched a Ben-shaped hole in the Force.

Rey grabbed the water jug and headed to the stream. Finally, Ben came into view, seated in a meditative pose on a boulder overlooking the dark pool, his dark cloak gathered around him. "Hey, good morning," Rey started cheerfully.

Ben merely held up a dismissive hand to her in silence.

"Okaayyy," Rey muttered as she walked by. Crouching with her back to him at the stream, she set up the jug and filter under its flow. _Can you hear me?_ she sent, but no answer came from the still figure on the rock.

Walking back toward him, she spoke aloud. "What are you doing?"

"I am considering this pool," he replied flatly.

Rey also considered the pool. Like several other pools along the stream's path, this one had flat, smooth rocks bordering its edges, with openings at either end where the stream flowed through. Yet that was where the resemblance ended. While all of the other pools danced and sparkled as water flowed in one end and out the other, this pool was smooth and dark like volcanic glass. Mirrorlike. While water did, indeed, flow in one end and out the other, the water inside the pool showed no motion at all. No plants flourished on its surface, and no creatures swam in its inky depths.

"Why do you think it's like that?" asked Rey. _And why are you so fascinated by it?_ she thought.

Ben sighed. "Like what? I don't sense anything dark, Rey. You know I'd be careful about that."

"I know. But I don't like it. It reminds me of the cave on Ahch-to."

"Your mirror cave?" he asked. "But that drew you. This repels you."

As they watched, a small, fishlike creature approached the pool at the incoming end. As it neared the black edge, it turned and frantically tried to swim upstream. Failing, it slipped beneath the dark surface and completely disappeared.

Rey shivered. "I don't like this," she said, backing away. "I feel like..."

"Feel like what?" Ben asked.

"Like I'm being watched."

Ben finally looked at her, sternly. "Remember your training, Rey."

"I am!" And Rey, whose fascination with water extended to every rain-soaked puddle, felt a chill coming from the dark pool, pushing her further away.

Ben, however, slipped from his perch on the boulder and walked over to the pool's edge. Kneeling, he peered closely at its surface. "Should I dive in, Rey?" he asked, turning to look up at her with a taunting grin on his face. "What do you think I'll see?"

"Ben, don't. Please."

Seeing the sheer terror on Rey's face, Ben turned his attention back to the blackness. Too late, he realized why he couldn't sense anything dark, as he slipped beneath the inky surface of the pool.

***

_Down he sinks, deeper and deeper. He feels no panic, has no difficulty breathing, senses nearly nothing unusual at all._

_The dark gathers him close, whispers to him with voices indistinct and confused, but Ben feels only calm and serenity. Little by little, some of the voices increase in volume and begin to separate themselves from the swirling turmoil._

_“If you define yourself by the power to take life, the desire to dominate, to possess…then you have nothing.”_

_"You're just a child in a mask."_

_"Strike me down in anger and I'll always be with you. Just like your father."_

_"I'll help you."_

_Suddenly, the red glow of his old lightsaber erupts before him, sizzling and guttering with its misspent energy._

_The voices fade and disappear completely as visions take over the assault on Ben's consciousness._

_Han Solo takes his stand on the bridge on Starkiller Base. But when Kylo Ren removes his mask, it is not his father, but Rey who stands before him. Some fool has run her through with a lightsaber. Ben looks, and the hand on the hilt is his own. Rey places her hand to Ben's face, then she's falling, falling, falling._

_Dozens of bodies fall to the sand. Warriors, yes, but women and children too. A tall young man is unstoppable in his rage and grief. A beautiful young woman consoles him afterward, and does not condemn his actions._

_Rey gets up from the floor of the Supremacy. Ben offers her his hand. She takes it. They run._

_The tall man stands over the young woman whom he used to love. She is pregnant. An invisible hand at her throat threatens the lives of herself and her unborn children._

_Rey stands beside Ben on the terrace of a beautiful estate overlooking a lake. They are dressed resplendently in formal, ceremonial clothing. He bends to kiss her, and she opens her lips to him. This time, they don't stop as he sweeps her up and carries her inside._

_The young mother passes away, her life-Force stolen to save another. Her children are scattered across the galaxy._

_Perspiration-soaked curls surround Rey's face as she gasps and laughs in exhaustion and relief. She has never worked harder or looked more beautiful. A midwife places their squalling, messy newborn on Rey's belly. Ben reaches out to touch his wife and their child. His hand is cold and metallic._

_Small bodies litter the floor of a massive library, dormant lightsabers useless in tiny hands._

_He hears his mother's final words to him: "I knew there was still light in you."_

_His mother! He has to save her! He can't._

_His father's message, simply: "Come **home,** Ben."_

***

Rey paced at the edge of the dark pool, tears streaming down her face. She still couldn't feel Ben, and now she couldn't see him either.

Gathering her resolve, Rey did the only thing she could think to do - she sat at the water's edge and began to meditate.

_I can help him. He saved himself from the dark side once, but I can help him with this. I told him I would help him, and I always, always will._

Behind her, clouds began to gather over the mountaintop.

_I will save him and he will save himself and we will save each other and you will never, ever hurt him again._

A bolt of lightning cracked across the sky as Rey reached her hand toward the pool.

_I am coming for you, Ben._

-  
   
Rey reaches out for the shape of Ben Solo, imagining him before her. His strong body, holding back as they spar, holding her at night to keep her warm and safe from the monsters in her dreams. His powerful arms reaching out to swim and holding her up as she floats. His strong hands and fingers that can break firewood and delicately braid her hair out of her eyes. His own pretty eyes, that she's seen flash in anger and melt with tenderness. His kindness and his laugh and his storytelling. His ridiculous snoring and his kriffing gorgeous hair.

She reaches out for everything that is true and good and _light_ about Ben Solo. And she pulls.

-

 _Ben Solo, you are a big, big man,_ Rey thought, not for the first time. Her shaking arms finally rested Ben's body on the flat stones edging the pool. Rey wanted nothing more than to collapse from exhaustion. But Ben wasn't breathing. She immediately got back to work.

Chest compressions: Count of ten.

Mouth to mouth: Two breaths.

 _Repeat._ Harder compressions this time.

_And repeat._

She leaned still harder now, pushing her entire weight through her arms, her fingers. Beneath her crossed palms, something cracked.

 _Come on, Ben._ She wiped away the tears streaming into her mouth before covering Ben's for a fourth time.

Finally, _finally,_ Ben gasped and coughed. Rey helped him turn his head to the side to expel the last of the pool's water. As he tried to sit up, Ben gasped and then lay back down on the stones. "By every kriffing star, Rey, what did you do to me?"

"Shhh, lay still," she cautioned, easing his head into her lap and placing a kiss to his forehead. "I may have broken a rib; I'm sorry. I'll bind it up for you later. Just rest now. Just rest."

Ben's eyes closed for a few minutes, then he jolted awake again, grabbing Rey's arm in terror, remembering. "Rey!"

"I'm here, I'm here," she soothed, removing Ben's alarmed grip on her arm. She took Ben's hand into her smaller ones and lightly kissed his fingertips. "I'm here, my love."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Ben." _What did you see? Tell me everything._

So he did.

***

"And I was so afraid for you, Rey." Ben reached up to lightly touch the scar on Rey's arm. Then slowly, boldly, he pressed his fingers against the flat of her belly. "I'm still afraid."

Rey pressed her hand to his. "Ben, I'm not... We haven't... I've never..."

"But the future..."

"Shh. I'm okay. You're okay. We're here, now, together. And we're safe. Just rest." They sat in silence as Rey's fingers gently untangled Ben's messy, week-old braids and replaited them. Alarm welled up in Ben's throat, quickly subsiding when he remembered that she didn't understand the significance of this small action. As her nimble fingers soothed the tangles and snarls, the tension knotted up in Ben's chest eased as well, and the strain of the last several days dissolved and melted away.

They sat quietly together, letting _now_ unfold and allowing _future_ to worry about itself for a while.

"Anyway," Ben started, "Luke told us the future is always in motion."

"Hmm," murmurred Rey, absently stroking Ben's hair.

"He said it kind of backwards, though. He said: 'Always in motion, the future is.'"

"Huh, that's odd."

They were silent together for a few more minutes pondering the strange syntax.

Then Ben spoke again. "Speaking of odd, Rey, I didn't think you would ever kiss me again."

"What? It was just your fingers Ben, your forehead, I didn't..." Realization slowly dawned across Rey's face as Ben smirked up at her. "You!" She smacked him lightly on his arm. "That was _not_ a kiss; I was _breathing_ for you! Trust me, Ben Solo, if I ever kiss you again, you'll be awake, and you'll _know_ you're about to be kissed!"

***

Dread gripped Rey's heart as they slowly returned to their shuttle, Ben leaning heavily on her shoulder and bracing his broken ribs against jolting.

She gulped a breath of air as Ben paused in the entry, reviewing her handiwork. Although she had cleaned up most of the mess, little motes of glassy and metallic dust danced in the sunlight pouring through the viewports. The shredded control panel added long, scorched slashes to its already ruined surface.

"Sooo," Ben drew out the simple syllable, unsure how his next words would be received. "You redecorated?"

Rey, expecting anger or at least disappointment, laughed.

And then cried.

Ben held her close, smiling into her hair, until her sobs turned to laughter once again. "I certainly did. I hope you like it, because..."

She stepped away from him for a moment, serious again, wiping her nose and eyes. The implications... she had ruined everything. She had trapped him here. With her.

She could barely look at him.

"Ben," she started, then stopped. Summoning the resolve that kept her alive for 14 years in the Jakku desert, she faced him squarely. "Ben, I'm sorry. I ruined our way out. We're stuck here." She stepped closer, still looking him in the eyes and placing her hand on his chest. The next words, she couldn't bring herself to say aloud, for fear of his rejection. _You're stuck here with me._

Ben simply reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Actually, sweetheart, I think I found a way we can leave."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the power of true love, y'all!
> 
> Disclaimer: Rey's resuscitation method is not the actual method for CPR. Don't try this at home. [Here's a link to the actual method.](https://www.mayoclinic.org/first-aid/first-aid-cpr/basics/art-20056600)
> 
> You probably recognized the various quotes in Ben's pool Force vision. Just in case, the first one is a quote from Obi-Wan Kenobi in _Rebels_ (which I had to look up). The rest are from _The Last Jedi._
> 
> When I lost the working document, this poor chapter was complete and ready to post. I had just decided to move it from chapter 10 to chapter 11, and then it was gone forever. It was one of the early chapters and had a lot of time and affection put into it. The original was much better than this one and I was quite fond of it. This new version is pretty close, however, and has the advantage of being finished and posted!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me through this journey! One chapter to go!


	12. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

As always, Rey found contentment in the routine of system checks: one system, then another. One tangle at a time. Follow the process until it stops working, then try something else. Continue until that stops working, and repeat. On and on. Even on these little foreign ships, systems were systems.

Rey understood systems. Systems made sense. When a part doesn't fit, you replace it, find a workaround or just do without.

But people? Has Rey ever been good at people? Plutt, Teedo, Finn, Han... Rey figured her success-with-people tally ran about even.

And Ben?

Ah, Ben...

She looked over to find him, sitting next to the hangar door, eyes closed and resting from the pain in his ribs.

Alone in the cockpit of one of the little fliers, Rey realized something.

_Everything on this ship is working. I could leave right now. I could leave without him._

Rey brushed away the thought immediately. She didn't want a different part or a workaround. She didn't want to do without.

Sometimes when a part _almost_ fits, an adjustment can be made. Pare off a bit here; build up a bit there. Adjustments could be made between herself and Ben. They would be.

***

Ben leaned against the cool stone of the cave wall, eyes closed, attempting to meditate away the pain from his ribs. The faint _tinks_ and _clicks_ that came from Rey working on the ship systems were a welcome distraction.

Whether Rey succeeded with the ships or not, Ben didn't much care. They would be together here, or somewhere else. He sighed contentedly, imagining staying on this planet, just the two of them. Maybe a few years from now, three or four of them, if he dared to hope. Not everything in his future vision would come true, he knew, but he felt calmer, lighter.

When he heard Rey's boots clanging on the ladder as she descended from the ship, he opened his eyes to take her in. Rey's braid swung across her back, and Ben felt a stabbing pain. Not his ribs, but his conscience. The braids. He couldn't go anywhere with her until he explained about the braids.

And then maybe they wouldn't leave together after all.

Rey jumped lightly from the lowest ladder rung and turned to face Ben with a smile, dusting her hands onto her trousers. "Well. At least two of these have all systems functional. Where do we want to go?"

***

"We can't go back."

"Whup?" Rey asked, around the bite she just took.

Ben took a deep breath. "We can't go back."

They shared their evening meal in the cave, around the glow of the tiny lantern. Rey sat cross-legged on their blanket stack, while Ben leaned back against the emergency crate.

"Wouldn't someone be surprised, though?" countered Rey, mouth full of protein bar. "We could try to figure out who sabotaged us. What if others are in danger?"

"Are you sure it wasn't porgs?"

Rey rolled her eyes and swallowed. "I've repaired enough porg damage to know what it looks like, Ben. Our wires were cut."

Rey realized Ben was staring at her. As soon as she met his eyes, however, his darted away, looking at the scar on her arm, her braided hair, until finally looking her in the eyes once again.

"Ben, what is it?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Another hidden bottle of ale?" Rey attempted to tease.

But Ben's face stayed deadly serious. "I wish it was."

"Ben, what _is_ it?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Yes, you- you said that," she replied, placing her hand on his arm. _Tell me._

But Ben pulled away, uncomfortable with her kindness. "It's about the braids. They have a meaning, a message."

Rey said nothing, waiting to see if his resolve would hold up.

"They mean..." _Kriff this is difficult._

_Just say it, Ben._

He took a deep breath and dove back in. "The pattern that I braided into your hair means that you're taken. That you belong to someone."

"Taken? Like a slave?" That one tiny line formed between Rey's eyebrows.

"No! Absolutely not. Not that kind of belonging. And I should have explained it before, to let you know how I felt."

"Felt?"

"Feel. Felt then, the first time I braided your hair, and still feel." He gulped. "But it gets worse, Rey. I taught you the same pattern for mine."

"That you belonged to someone?"

"That I belonged to _you._ And you to me. It's an Alderaan tradition."

"What kind of tradition?" asked Rey, barely breathing.

"Marriage, Rey. If we wear these home, or anywhere really, people who know the tradition will believe that we're married."

Rey said nothing, but simply stood and walked out of the cave, to the edge of the plateau, watching the planet's smallest moon setting over the sea.

***

After a few minutes, Ben came out to stand behind her, watching her watch the moon set and waiting for her to lash out at him.

_Rey. Say something. Please._

She turned slowly to face him. "Ben, I have to tell you something too."

Rey swallowed, and slowly reached out to grasp one of Ben's hands in her own, but unable to look him in the eyes. "Your mother was a wonderful person. If I could have chosen my own... She treated me as if..."

Rey paused and wiped a tear away, thinking of Leia, not noticing that Ben did the same. She took a deep breath and continued.

"Before your mother died, she tried to teach me about leadership, but also about culture. She was very proud of her upbringing, you know. In the royal house. Not that she ever thought she was better than anyone. And she didn't get to show it much, running the Resistance military, but she loved her home traditions and she wanted to keep them alive, at least for herself, as much as possible."

Ben nodded. He had experienced the same at his mother's hand.

Rey took another deep breath, and straightened her shoulders. Finally meeting Ben's eyes, she said, "I know about the braids."

Ben took a step backward, then realized that Rey might misunderstand, and took a step toward her again. The words he wanted to say froze in his throat.

_You knew?_

"Yes."

_The pattern?_

"No." _I knew the act meant... attachment. Or family. Braiding the hair of someone..._

_Someone you love?_

Rey looked up at him shyly. _And did you? Do you?_

Ben nodded. "I do." _But you were fine with it from the beginning?_

_I allowed it._

_Why?_

Rey grasped Ben's other hand and stepped closer to him. _Why do you think?_

_Rey. Why? Say it, please._

_You ridiculous man. There are better words._

He hesitated. _And now? Would you stay with me?_

Another pause. _I will, yes._

***

They knelt together, hands clasped near the fire. Ben knew that usually there were words; an exchange of tokens. He cleared his throat, and began:

"Rey, once I offered you everything, but what I offered wasn't mine to give. And I called you nothing. But Rey, you were everything.

"And now, I truly have almost nothing. No home, no family, no purpose. I am _takask wallask ti dan,_ a man without a star. But if I had you, Rey, I would have everything."

Rey swallowed down the tears forming in her throat.

"I do have two things I can give you, Rey. One is a name."

The tears Rey had just tried to swallow welled up in the corners of her eyes. Almost to herself, she whispered, "Rey Solo?"

Ben nodded and opened his hand to reveal a small, circular object of dark metal. "If you accept the name, then I also offer this."

Rey picked up the ring, holding it up to the meager lantern light. The tiny frown line reappeared between her eyebrows as she turned it back and forth. "It looks like a lightsaber focusing ring, but it's small. Wait, is it...?"

Ben nodded. "It's the vent iris from my old 'saber. From the crossguard, that kept it in balance. Like you keep me in balance, Rey. I kept this when I healed the crystal and you helped me rebuild."

"That was months ago," Rey breathed out. "You kept it all this time?"

Ben nodded again. "You mean so much to me, Rey. You, the Light, balance. I thought... I hoped... maybe if the time was ever right, you would... you would be willing to wear it."

Rey didn't answer. Instead, she set the ring on her knee and drew her satchel to her. Without a word, she opened it and dug into a small, interior pocket. Finally, she pulled out her clenched fist. She turned her hand over and opened it, revealing a circular black seal from their shuttle.

"I picked this up for you the day we moved back into the ship. I'm sorry that I don't have a deep meaning behind it. It isn't... it's not..." She exhaled in frustration, gathering her thoughts again. "It's not enough. I want something better for you, Ben. But this is what I have, at least for now. And if you will wear it, then I will wear yours."

Their hands came together, palm to palm, fingers interlaced.

"You'll accept my name, then? You'll be Rey Solo?"

"I've always wanted a name," Rey replied, a single tear running down her cheek. "And now I'll share yours. But I have... there are some old words... from Jakku. Ben? Can I?"

Ben nodded once, solemn.

Rey rearranged their hands to grasp Ben's large fingers in her palms. Then, looking into Ben's eyes, she spoke:

"I offer to you my hands, my home, my heart. Do you accept these gifts?"

Ben nodded again. "I accept."

Rey then recited:

Let us join hands so we may guide each other through the sands.  
Let us share a home so we may shelter each other from the storms.  
Let us be of one heart so we may always find a place in each other.

Rey placed her hands on either side of Ben's face and just looked at him for a moment, love shining clearly from her eyes. Then, she trailed her fingers against his hair until she reached the end of the braids she had put there the day before.

Ben held his breath as Rey's fingers began to untie the ends, unraveling the plaitings. "Ben, do you remember when I took your braids down by the dark pool?"

Ben could only swallow and nod.

"I felt you jump when I was untangling your hair. You know what it means, don't you?"

Ben barely exhaled, a single word: "Yes."

"Ben, are you awake?" Rey ran her fingers through Ben's hair, loosening the remaining braided strands.

"Stars, I hope so, Rey."

"Make very, very sure that you are awake, Ben Solo," she stated, leaning closer and looking deeply into his eyes. "Because I'm about to kiss you. And I don't plan to stop this time."

As their mouths joined, as their bodies came together, as they finally relented to the forces that had been pushing them together all this time, Ben Solo realized something:

There was more than one way to drown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The phrase "takask wallask ti dan" - a man without a star - is from Chuck Wendig's Aftermath series. (Go read it; it's awesome.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you've enjoyed this story, please leave a comment.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [m-rex](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/m-rex) if you like Reylo and general Star Wars stuff.


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